The Darkest Shade Of Grey
by 1983Sunny
Summary: This takes place after the end of book 1: Nearly 9 months ago Anastasia went missing. Now not only Christian's lifestyle became public knowledge but he also finds himself accused of the murder of three women. What happened to Anastasia? Will she return to Seattle? Or is she dead? Join the ride and find out...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok, I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but this idea wouldn't go away and I couldn't concentrate on writing the next chapter for my other story so I wrote the first chapter for this story instead. **

**If you like it I will try to update this once or twice a week. A little warning this is as the title says a dark story so if you don't like drama you might want to skip this story. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James. They storyline however is mine.**

_**Prolog**_

_**Christian's POV**_

I still can't believe how I ended up here. In a fucking courtroom and if this turns out the way it looks like I will spend the rest of my life in prison or if this ends really bad I might even get the death penalty. Though actually it wouldn't be that bad to die. Living in a world without Anastasia is my real punishment.

It all started over eight months ago. The day I punished Anastasia. God how I curse this day. If only I had stopped myself. I should have just made love to her. Tell her what she really means to me and instead I punished her and she left me.

I stayed away from her knowing I wasn't good enough for her. She deserved everything and all I could give her were rules and punishment. After three weeks I couldn't stay away from her any longer. I made a decision I would leave my lifestyle behind, get her back and be the man she deserved to have.

I send her an e-mail asking her to meet me at Escala. She agreed... and never showed up. I thought she just changed her mind and went to a bar where I got completely wasted. It was the next afternoon when Elliot called me asking me why Ana wouldn't answer her phone and why she hasn't been at work. Obviously a friend of hers at work called Kate to ask what was going on and Kate asked Elliot to call me.

I nearly lost my mind when I realised that Ana was missing. Welch and Taylor did everything they could to find out what happened. What we know is that Ana told Kate she would go to Escala to meet me, we know she was at work that day and told her friend at work that she was going to meet her ex-boyfriend. She was seen leaving SIP and we know she was walking as she hadn't bought a new car, but she never reached Escala.

Her phone protocolls show no calls that day. It's like she just dropped of the face of the earth without a trace. The police started to investigate. We got the media involved fuck I did all I could but we haven't even found the tiniest clue as to what happened to Ana.

As if that wasn't bad enough after four months the police asked me if I would know a Susannah Nolan or Leila Williams. I went for the truth not even knowing what the two of them could have to do with Ana and had to learn that they are missing as well. I knew immidiatly that there had to be somekind of a connection and of course the police thought the same way.

The shit hit the fan when they returned with a search warrant to Escala and found my playroom. Of course it leaked to the media and I was pictured as a sadistic monster that most likely killed all three women. At that point I knew I couldn't go back to work as I would only be hurting the business. So I had to give up the day to day business fully to Ros and my Dad jumped in as well.

Two weeks later the police was also given permission to search my apartment in New York and my house in Aspen. I knew there was nothing for them to find. Fuck was I wrong. The same night the started to dig up the backyard of my house in Aspen I got arrested. They had found two bodies burried there.

Funny enough even while sitting in a damned jail cell all I could think of please don't let it be Ana. Not that I wanted to see either Leila or Susannah dead, but living in a world without Ana was just to much of a horrible thought for me. So when it turned out that the bodies were Leila and Susannah I was shocked and relieved at the same time.

But for the district attorney it was clear that I did it and so now I'm here in a courtroom accused of homicide in three cases. Yes not only Leila and Susannah but also are they thinking that I killed Ana.

Fuck I still cringe when I think of her mother. Yesterday she had to make her testimony. Since they don't know what happened to Ana the judge want to hear anyone who saw us together. Her mother started to cry hysterically and on her way out she dropped to her knees in front of me begging me to tell her where I had burried her daughter, so she could at least put her to rest like she deserved it.

That was hell. I wanted to tell her I didn't do anything to Ana but my Dad told me to stay silent. So I just looked at her until her husband and Ray took her away. From their looks I know they think I did it, too. Hell besides my family everyone thinks I did it. Especially her damned roommate Kate. I bet that most of the articles written at the Times and every newspaper under Kavanagh Media was written by her as it painted me as a monster that had no soul or heart and takes pleasure in torturing and killing, young innocent women.

Then there is that damned barkeeper who made a testimony against me. He saw me at the bar the day Ana went missing and since I was drunk and have no memories of that night I can only assume that I really rambled on about heartless women. That only makes me more suspicious of course. The district attorney thinks that I killed Ana in a fit of rage right in my playroom and got rid of her body before I got drunk at that bar.

So all in all it looks really bad for me. But if getting me into jail would bring back Ana or at least give us a hint as to what has happened to her I would go gladly. Instead my greatest fear is that whoever killed Susannah and Leila is still out there and has Ana. That she is still alive and kidnapped by some psychopath who is hurting her. The police is only looking for her body and doesn't look into any other possible leads in terms of who could have taken her.

Thank fuck for Taylor. He keeps the team together as he knows I would have never hurt Ana or would have murdered Susannah and Leila. So he is still looking for Ana and he promised me he wouldn't stop until he had found her dead or alive.

Today is the last day were witnesses are heard and from the look on my Dad's face I know I won't leave this courtroom as a free man. And honestly I don't care. All I care about is that they have to find Ana and if she is really dead they might as well give me the death penalty. Because without her my life means nothing. Please God, let her be alive.

_**So tell me what you think, do you want me to continue or not?**_

_**Sunny**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow so many reviews and other than one you all want me to continue. So thank you :) With this story I don't really have an outline. I do know what happened to Ana and who is behind all of this, but other than that I'm writing each chapter as I get an idea for it. There will be time jumps back and forth through out the next chapters. **

**Oh and one of you pointed out that the trial against Christian started really quickly. Yes I know, this may or may not has something to do with the storyline ;) Also since what happened to Ana won't be revealed before the trial I didn't want to make it a longer time.**

**I don't know how often I am going to update this story, but I will try to at least update once a week, maybe twice. So enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James.**

_**Ana's POV (the day she went missing)**_

"Ana I don't think you should meet with Christian" I look up at Kate who is sitting on the sofa and roll my eyes.

"Kate please, we've been through this over and over again. I want to know why he wants to see me." _And I need to speak to him, but I won't tell you this..._

"Fine, but you will call me and I will pick you up at Escala tonight. I still don't get why you didn't cash in the check he gave you for Wanda, it's your money Ana."

Oh no not this again. "Kate, I have to go to work now. I will call you so you can pick me up at Escala tonight. If I don't call things turned out good and I will stay over, so don't worry." I quickly grab my purse and leave our apartment.

On the bus, on my way to work I keep thinking about the last time I saw Christian. How stupid I was to ask him to punish me. I knew all along I couldn't take it, but I wanted him so badly and when I left... I never felt so lost.

Even now three weeks later I can barely manage to eat. Oh he will be so mad when he sees how much weight I have lost. Well given he still cares about me. Crap, what if this meeting is about the NDA I have signed and the fact that Elliot has invited me to his birthday party two weeks from now.

Maybe he is just going to remind me that I am not allowed to come anywhere near him or his family. Oh God I'm going to be sick. I quickly look through my purse and grab my ginger gum. For some reason this really helps to settle my stomach everytime. I wish it could also erase this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Once I arrive at SIP I stop at the frontdesk to have a quick chat with Claire. She works as a receptionist at SIP and we quickly became friends. "Morning Ana. You look good today, new dress?"

I look down at my new dress. It has a black skirt and a blue top that matches my eyes. Kate insisted on me buying it. I feel it is a little bit to sexy for work, but today I wanted to look as good as possible.

"Thanks I bought it last week when my roommate forced me to go shopping."

"You look hot in it. Why don't we go for a drink after work?"

"I can't I have a date well sort of a date tonight."

"Oh?"

"My ex. He asked me to meet with him today. We haven't seen each other since our break-up." Claire seems excited about this while I'm still dreading the conversation I will have tonight.

"I bet he wants you back Ana."

"I don't know. Anyway I need to get to my desk."

"Ok, see you at lunchtime" I smile and make my way to my desk. Jack won't be here for another 15 minutes so I have time to start my computer, look for his appointments for today and make a quick stop at the kitchen to fix me a tea and grab a cookie.

I really enjoy my work here at SIP. Jack is a great boss and has shown me many things over the last three weeks. Our trip to New York was great and I learned a lot at the convention. While I start my work my thoughts drift back to Christian and I open my e-mail program to re-read his e-mail.

* * *

From: Christian Grey  
Subject: Dinner  
Date: 6/27/11 14:17 am  
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Anastasia,

please forgive me this interruption to your work day. I would like to have dinner with you. Would tomorrow night be good for you? Please let me know.

Christian Grey, CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

After I agreed to meet with him today he has simply send me an e-mail with the time and the new code for the elevator and that's it. No I missed you, no sign that he is willing to try again.

So I have spend the last nearly 24 hours torturing myself with possible outcomes of this evening. Though in a way I'm glad that he asked me to have dinner with him. I was thinking of ways to get in touch with him for days now and I always chickened out. Today I won't. Today I will see Christian Grey again and no matter what will happen at our dinner I know that my life will change today. Either we will try to make us work or I will be alone again trying to figure out my life without him.

"Goodmorning Ana" I look up and return the smile my boss is giving me.

"Goodmorning Jack, do you want me to get you coffee?"

"That would be awesome Ana. Oh and I have a brunch meeting with a potential new author. I want you to join us, so you can see how a meeting like this works."

"Great, thank you Jack. I'm going to get your coffee." I get up and make my way to kitchen where I make coffee for Jack, take his mug and bring it into his office.

"Thanks Ana. Oh and your a great assistant Ana." I smile though actually I'm a little surprised. It seems odd to say this out of the blue, but maybe it is just me and I'm to nervous about tonight to think straight.

After my workday is over I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I'm pale, paler than usual and I have dark circles under my eyes. I wish I was better with make up, but with my luck this dinner is just about that damned NDA so it doesn't really matter how I look.

I wonder if he has missed me or maybe he already has a new submissive by now. One that can live with his rules and likes the whole punishment thing. Maybe he will fall in love with her. _No, no! Stop this now Ana. You are not going to cry again. Not now!_

I take a deep breath leave the bathroom and say goodbye to Claire. Once I'm out of the building I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Ok, I can do this.

Since I don't want to take a bus, I decide to walk to Escala. It won't take longer than 15 minutes and it will give me time to clear my thoughts. I can't let Christian dazzle me tonight. I need to focus and say what I want to say. _You can do this Ana!_

I repeat this mantra in my head and walk down the street when I hear a car horn followed by my name being called.

I turn around, see the car and the driver waving at me. I smile walk over to the side of the street where the car has stopped and bend down to look into the car through open window.

"Hi Ana, do you need a ride?" I think for a second and look up at the sky. It looks like it is starting to rain any minute.

"Yes, thanks" I get into the car and take a seat in the front passenger seat.

"Still no car?"

"No, I usually take the bus."

"Ok, so where to?"

"I'm having dinner with an old friend. Do you know Escala? It's 1920 4th Avenue."

"Yes, I know where it is. You are lucky I saw you. I think it will start to rain." with that the car gets back into traffic and I lean back in the seat. Today is the day. After 23 days of pure agony I'm finally going to see Christian again.

**So this was chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be up friday or saturday. If you have time leave me a review and share your thoughts :)**

**Sunny**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: To my guest reviewer brandi who wanted to know if this is a HEA story: I can't give away if Ana is dead or alive at this point of my story. But a little hint to everyone who is worried. Please go to my other story 'Fifty Shades of Healing Together' and read the authors note I wrote in chapter 7. I still feel the same way about writing a story, so if you need a hint read that note. If you want to be surprised then don't ;)**

_**Christian POV (the day before Ana went missing)**_

Yes! Thank fuck she said yes. Now all I have to do is wait for tomorrow evening and all of this suffering will be over. At this point I'm willing to do anything just to get Anastasia back. Fuck my lifestyle, fuck the rules and fuck my need for control.

Hah! As if I felt in control eversince Ana left me. No, I need her back. She just can't say no. I know we can make this work. I will lay the world to her feet and do whatever she wants. Maybe later on we can do some of the things I would like to do with her, but for now if what she wants is vanilla sex and hearts and flowers than thats what she will get.

Thinking back now, the best parts of the short time we spend together were the times we did the things I would have never done with any of my former subs. Bringing her to my parents home. Fuck I was so proud to introduce her to my parents. Ana's cute embarrassment when her mother asked me the most inapproriate questions, when I had dinner with them in Georgia. Taking her soaring and flying in Charlie Tango.

Having sex in my bed. Christ I remember my shock when she told me she was a virgin. Never in a million years did I see that one coming. But that's just one of the things I love about Anastasia. She can always surprise me and I realized I don't want to take that away from her. If she would become my submissive I would have to punish her for her smart mouth or she just wouldn't use it anymore and I want her just like she is. Eye rolling, smart mouth and all.

I look at my calendar and sigh. Christ Elena is coming over for dinner tonight. She is really getting on my nerves by trying to get me a new sub. On saturday she came to Escala and brought three girls with her. Needless to say that I kicked them out and Elena was pissed off. Damn eventhough she is my only friend sometimes she irritates the fuck out of me.

Once I'm back at Escala I take a quick shower and change into black jeans and a grey t-shirt and make my way to the kitchen to find Gail.

"Gail, Miss Steele is coming over for dinner tomorrow night, please have dinner ready at 6:30 pm."

Gail looks at me first surprised and then, if I'm not mistaken, happy. "Very well Mister Grey. Do you have any wishes regarding the menu?"

I think for a moment. I have no idea what Ana's favorite foods are, but then I remember her eating oysters at the Heathman. Fuck she looked hot like that.

"Oysters as a starter, the rest is up to you." I answer and just then Taylor comes in.

"Mrs. Lincoln is here, Sir"

"Bring her in Taylor." Fuck I wish I had just cancelled tonight. Now she will talk about possible new subs all night. As Elena walks in she smiles at me though with the amount of botox she has in her face it looks kind of creepy.

"Christian darling, it is so good to see you." she purrs and gives me that 'I want to fuck' look. Not going to happen, been there done that and most importantly done much better since then.

"Elena, have a seat. Do you want wine?"

"Yes, please." I nod at Gail and she fills two glasses of white wine for us and places them in front of us at the breakfastbar.

"So Christian, I know last saturday didn't go well, but you should really consider to interview those girls. They are perfect for you, all are established submissives, have very little hard limits and a high tolerance for pain." she explains but I barely listen.

"Elena, I told you I don't want a new submissive. In fact, I'm going to see Anastasia tomorrow for dinner and I'm positive that we can work things out between us."

Elena looks at me for a moment and then snorts. "Christian, she is not a submissive. She ran because you punished her. That girl can't take it. If you really want her, maybe I could train her..."

"NO" I nearly scream at her. Fuck no, only thinking about my Ana getting beaten by Elena makes me want to choke Elena.

"Ok, ok, cool down Christian. I got the message. I just want to help you darling. Remember I always helped you and got the right subs for you."

"Really, I remember two times were you couldn't get me the submissives I wanted." I remind her and she pisses me off even more by rolling her eyes at me. "Christian, I told you both Susannah and Leila left Seattle after you ended the contracts with them and when you asked me to get back in touch with them to think about a new contract, the already found a new master." she takes a sip of wine and looks thoughtful for a second.

"You know Christian, what you need right now is a session in your playroom to remind you how good it feels to be in total control. If you don't want a new sub I know an agency that has ladies who cater to special needs or you know..." she lets her hand slide over my forearm and I back up.

"Elena, this is not going to happen, I don't want to fuck a hooker and I don't want to fuck you. You know what I want? I want Anastasia and I will have her tomorrow, so get used to it. Because if you don't I have to choose and I won't pick you!"

Elena gapes at me, but recovers herself within seconds. "I'm sorry Christian. Honestly. You are right. If you want to be with Anastasia then you should try it. I just don't want you to get hurt and she turned away from you once. You could do so much better."

Now that pisses me off, does she really think that she is better for me? "Elena, listen to me. You and I fucked, my subs and I fucked. Anastasia and I make love. Do you understand that? Do you even know the difference? I love Anastasia."

Fuck me? Did I just say that? Elena is stunned, even Gail who was just about to finish our food has stopped to stir in the pot and gapes at me. Damn I really said it and thinking about it, yes I know it is right. I love her. That is why I need her so desperately, no one else has ever made me feel like this before.

"Love? LOVE?" Elena screams and pushes to her feet. "Christian, love is for fools. I have your best interest at heart. Believe me there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, but you shouldn't forget what I have done for you so far. If it wasn't for me we wouldn't be sitting here in that fancy penthouse of yours. You would have ended up in jail.

I know you might think you love her, but you don't. You just want what you can't have. And the sad truth is, that Anastasia and you don't have a future. She can't fullfil your needs and you can't suppress them for the rest of your life. Take my advise and move on. Get a new sub and forget about her."

I stare at Elena thinking about what she just said and for the first time I know what she says is wrong. I can change. I can have a normal life with Anastasia.

"Elena, you might be right about the fact that my life would have turned out very differently if it wasn't for you, but you are wrong about Anastasia. I can make it work and I will proof it. Now can we have dinner and change the topic or do you want to leave?"

"Alright Christian, have it your way. Let's have dinner and talk about something else. I have something to discuss with you." I nod though inwardly I'm rolling my eyes. I know this tone. She needs money. Damn it, if she was just someone I'm in business with I would have ended our partnership long ago, but as it is I owe it to her.

As predicted for the next hour Elena is telling me about wanting to open a new salon outside of Seattle and that she would need to go to the bank and get a loan and how this could end badly in today's economy bla bla bla...

I wish she would just ask me for the money so we could get over with this bullshit. But of course she doesn't and waits until I offer her the money. I do, not because I think it is a good idea to open a new salon right now and I know I will never see that money again, but I simply want her to leave so I can make more plans for tomorrow. I need everything to be perfect when Anastasia is coming over tomorrow. Mercifully after another 30 minutes she leaves and just to be sure I tell Taylor that Elena is not allowed anywhere near Escala tomorrow. I know Elena and I know that she hates the idea of me being with Anastasia, so I'm not going to take any chances for her to fuck this up for me.

No, tomorrow Anastasia and I will reunite and I will proof to her and the world that I am able to make her happy.

**Next chapter will be up friday. If you have time, please leave me a review as I really like to hear your thoughts ;)**

**Sunny**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok ladies, this chapter might be a bit confusing. On the plus side, it will answer some questions ... at least I think it does *lol* So, if there are any questions regarding this chapter, leave me a review or send me a PM and I will try to answer it. There were some good questions in the last reviews and I would love to answer them now, but that would give away too much of my storyline...**

_**Sarah's POV (7 months after Ana went missing)**_

Looking out of the window, I wonder what it feels like to take a walk in the rain. All I can do is watch other people outside. How I got here? I have no idea. Well, not really anyway. I woke up in here 6 months ago with no memory whatsoever. I can talk, I can read and I can write, but other than that, there is nothing. Thank God for my brother.

He was there when I woke up and became my rock ever since. We don't have any other family, it's just us against the world. He saved my life. To the world I am dead. He told me what happened and I still can't believe that I was so stupid.

I had a boyfriend and even though my brother told me over and over again that he is bad news, I wouldn't listen. My boyfriend was abusive, he would hit me very often and one night when my brother came home, he couldn't find me.

He saw my boyfriend leaving in a rush. My brother looked everywhere for me. When he walked into the backyard he saw little drops of blood on the patio and then he found a spot where someone must have buried something not long ago.

I was buried alive and he dug me out with his bare hands. By some miracle I was still alive. He knew my boyfriend would return if he knew that I was still alive. So, he brought me inside the house and took care of my wounds. My brother is training to become a doctor, so he knew how to help me.

When I woke, four weeks had past and my memories were gone. I wish I had pictures of us and our parents, but there are only a few showing me with them as a small child or baby. My brother told me that the rest of them burned in the fire that killed our parents nearly three years ago.

He tells me a lot of story and from what he told me, I must have been a happy child and teenager. I asked my brother why we couldn't go to the police and he told me that my boyfriend was a very important man and that no one would believe us. At first I wasn't sure if we were doing the right thing. Now, I don't have a choice. There is something so important to me, that I would do anything to keep it safe.

My brother is planning for us to leave the country. In a couple of months, we will leave the States and start over somewhere else. Somewhere, where no one knows us. Where I can go out and take walks in the rain. I can't wait for that. I know it sounds silly, but once I'm able to go out again, I want to dance in the rain and just enjoy the fresh air and the wind.

"Sarah?" I turn around and smile. "Hi Zack" I hug my brother and we sit down on the sofa of the small living room we are in. "I got you some new book and strawberries with whipped cream and chocolate sauce."

"You are the best. I swear, I could eat this all day." I take the plastic box with my food and dig in. "Hmm, that's perfect. Do you have time?"

"Sorry Sarah, but I have to leave again in ten minutes. My shift at the hospital starts in an hour."

"I'm so bored. Don't you think I could go out for like ten minutes or so? Or we could cut my hair, dye it and I could wear a baseball cap and sunglasses, please?"

Zack sighs and takes my hand. "Sarah please, it is just too dangerous for you to go out right now. Your if your ex finds out that you are alive, he will move heaven and earth to find you and make sure that you can't tell anyone what happened. Just two or three more months and we can leave this place."

"Ok, I don't want anything to happen. It's just that I'm bored and you know ... for me it's like I have never been outside. There is so much I want to experience."

"And you will Sarah. I promise, you will have the best life. You know I would do anything for you. You are my sister, the only family that I have."

"I know and I would do anything for you. I can wait a couple more months." I reassure him and he looks relieved. Good, he has done so much for me. I don't want him to worry.

"So, tell me, how do you feel today?"

"Like a whale" I snort and rub my huge belly. "I can't believe that there is only one baby inside my belly. I look like balloon."

"No, you don't. You are still petite Sarah. It's just your belly." I roll my eyes. "Seriously, there is nothing petite about me right now Zack."

"Believe me, you are. I work at the hospital and see pregnant woman every day. You are one of the lucky ones." I frown at that. Being buried alive, having lost all my memories and having to hide is not exactly what I would call lucky.

"Well, I hope once we start over that I will be a little more lucky and find a nice guy. One who wants to care for me and my baby."

"You will, don't worry. But this time, you will listen when I tell you that the guy is bad news."

"Believe me, I won't ever be so stupid again. I mean, I can't remember anything, but I know that I won't fall for again who wants to beat me ever again."

"That's good Sarah. So, I have to go now. If anything happens just call me. I have my phone with me all the time. The hospital thinks that my girlfriend is pregnant, so if you feel that it is time, I will be here and we will bring that baby in this world together."

"I don't think anything will happen today, but I'm glad that you will help me once it's time. I can't wait to see my baby. What do you think, is it a girl or boy?"

"As long as it is healthy, I don't care. Though a boy would be great and much easier to look after once he grows up." he smirks at me and I smile. Secretly I want a girl. After all my baby's father is some sort of sicko and I think a girl will be much easier to raise. Well, at least I hope so.

Once Zack is gone, I read for a while in one of the books for pregnant women and silently pray that my baby and I will be ok. We can't go to the hospital, so I have to deliver the baby here. I know women gave birth at home for thousands of years, but I'm nervous. If anything goes wrong and we have to go to the hospital my crazy ass ex could find me and I won't even start to think about what the outcome of that might be.

No, I will give birth to a healthy baby and once we have left the States everything will be good.

I rub my belly, where my baby is kicking and smile. "I promise, I will allways keep you safe. Your Daddy will never find us. He can't hurt us, your uncle Zack won't let anyone hurt us."

**Next chapter will be up either Sunday or Monday... until then, please leave a review ;)**

**Sunny**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So, now we are back at the present. This chapter takes place the day after Christian's POV from chapter 1. Many of you guessed that Zack, is either Jack, Ethan or Jose, but no he isn't. I hope this chapter will answer who Zack is.**

_**Zack's POV (present time)**_

3 weeks ago Anastasia gave birth to a healthy child. I'm really glad that I could help her bring this child into the world and thank God there were no complications. Anastasia loves her child more than anything. She is such a wonderful girl and I hate that I have to lie to her.

Hell, I'm lying to anyone I know. I could try to justify my lies with the fact that I saved Anastasia's life, but truth be told, I don't feel like this anymore. Not since the baby is born. It looks just like Grey and it is my fault that Grey will probably spend the rest of his life behind bars.

I should have talked right away. Now I have saved Anastasia's life, but ruined Grey's. I actually liked the guy. I heard that he is a good Dom and takes care of his submissives. His one mistake was trusting Elena, but hey I did the same thing. Believed her lies and now ... No I can't think like this. All I have to do now is get Anastasia and the baby safely out of the country and then everything will be fine.

We are going to leave next month. My parents were surprised when I told them that I have found a job in another country, but since they want me happy, they will let me go. So, now all I have to do is finish my last month at the Seattle Memorial and then I can leave with Anastasia.

I've just finished my shift at the ER and get into the break room, when I stop in my tracks. Sitting in the corner on the floor and crying hysterically is . Grey's mother. Oh fuck. I love that woman, ever since I started my internship she was nothing but good to me and taught me so many things. Oh shit, I can't just leave.

"Grace?"

"Oh, Zack, I'm so sorry ... I ... it's just ... my son" she sobs and I help her to sit on a chair. "The trial?"

"Yes, the distract attorney offered one last chance for a deal. If Christian tells them where Anastasia is they will send him to jail for 45 years. If he doesn't tell, then it all looks like he is going to get the death penalty. He is innocent Zack ... he didn't kill this women and he has no idea what happened to Anastasia. They are going to kill my son"

I hold Grace who is crying inconsolably. Fuck, I can't let that happen. It is one thing to look away when Grey is going to end up in prison, but I could not live with myself knowing that he got executed for something he hasn't done. I have no idea what to do. If I tell the truth now I am ruined.

If I just drop Anastasia and the baby off at a police station it won't help them. I told her that it was her boyfriend who tried to kill her, so they will think it was Grey. For a second I think about just leaving with Anastasia, but I can't do it. No, I can't let this happen. Maybe one day Anastasia will get her memory back and then she will hate me.

I can't let that happen. I love her like I loved my sister. It is like Sarah is back, but I have to do the right thing here. Maybe I can work something out with the judge, so I won't go to jail for hiding the truth. Because if I do this, I'm sure as hell not going to the district attorney.

Grey has no idea, but that fucker is paid to make sure he is never going to get out of jail. I know him for a while. The guy is in the lifestyle, though I doubt that Grey knows. He only ever went to the high-class clubs and the good old D.A. has a taste for more brutal things. He is high on bloodplay and I heard rumors that he and his best buddy namely Elena's ex Vince Lincoln are also involved in human trafficking and shit like that. Rumor has it that he once killed some poor girl by accident and Linc covered it up for the D.A.

I guess now Linc cashed in a favor to make sure that Grey stays in prison. He has nothing to do with Grey's dead subs, but he still hates his guts because he walked in on Grey fucking the hell out of his trophy wife Elena. Sure, they divorced after that, but it was just a matter of time that Linc would try to ruin Grey for it.

So, all in all Grey never had a chance to proof that he is innocent. If I can do it, I will. That precious little baby deserves to have both parents and Grey does not deserve to die. If things would have turned out differently, I could be in his place now, but I was never as driven to succeed as he was. I guess that is why he was always Elena's favorite.

Of course, now she is doing shit to help him, selfish bitch that she is, but she had big plans with him. I think back of the last months and sigh. No, it is time to do the right thing. I saved Anastasia's life and made sure that the baby was born healthy, now it is time for the truth and maybe I am lucky enough to get out of this mess and can start over again.

If not, at least I can live my life knowing that I did the right thing. I have to live with enough guilt as it is, I can't take anymore. It's all those secrets I kept that got me here, now for once I'm going to tell the truth and I know were to go first.

"Grace, your son will be fine. I believe you, he is innocent and they can't send him to jail or execute him if the truth comes out."

"I pray every night for a miracle Zack, but I have to face the truth. The judge ordered a four-day break before the summation of both sides and after that the jury will find Christian guilty, I know it."

I take both of her hands and smile. "Grace it's not over just now, ok? You have to hang in there and everything will be fine. I wish I could stay longer, but I have something important to do. I will see you soon." I give her a hug and leave. Yes, I'm doing the right thing.

I leave the hospital, drive over to the apartment were I'm hiding Anastasia and get in. I find her sitting in the livingroom just looking at her baby.

"Those eyes. It's the most amazing shade of grey Zack." she whispers and I smile. Yes lots of unruly, dark copper-colored hair and those grey eyes, just like Grey himself. That kid really can't deny his Dad.

"Sarah we need to talk" Come on you can do this, I try to convince myself and sit down next to Anastasia.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes, look you know how much I care for you right?"

"Of course, you are my brother."

I sigh. Ok, here goes nothing. "No, I'm not and your name is not Sarah. Your real name is Anastasia Steele. You have a family and friends who are looking for you for months now."

"What, is this some kind of a bad joke?"

"No, look I will tell you everything, but we have to leave now. I promise you, I have your best interest at heart Anastasia. You see, a long time ago, I had a sister called Sarah. She died and it was my fault. When I saw you, I knew I had to safe you. I kept you here so the person who tried to kill would still believe that you are dead. But now we have to tell the truth or the father of your baby will be sentenced with the death penalty for murdering you and two other women. He is innocent Anastasia and he moved heaven and earth to find you. He is a good man.

I'm so sorry that I had to lie to you, but I did it to insure that you and your little one are safe. I know you must hate me right now, but maybe one day you will be able to forgive me."

I look at Anastasia and she is deathly pale, while tears are sliding down her face. "I don't hate you. Promise me you won't leave me alone. I do want to help the father of my baby, but I only know you. Please, don't leave me alone."

"I promise, I will always be there for you. But I can't promise to always be around Anastasia. Maybe I have to go to jail for hiding you, but we have to do this now."

She hugs me with one arm and we both cry for a couple of minutes. "Ok, we have to leave now. I bought you clothes on the way here. We need to make sure that no one recognizes you until we reached our destination.

_**Carrick's POV**_

I have been a lawyer for a long time now. I have helped many people. And now my son will be the first person in my career that will go to jail and is innocent. I know he is innocent. He has sworn it to me over and over again. He never had to, I know my son and though he has chosen to questionable sexual lifestyle, he is not a murderer.

I look up at the clock on the wall of my office and I know I should go home, but I can't. Seeing Mia and Grace crying all the time is slowly killing me. I wish we could find anything to proof Christian's innocence or at least something that would buy us some more time.

As it is, we will have five or six more days before the jury will have a decision. I doubt it will take them long, the looks they gave Christian are clear. The media has painted him as a monster and the fucking D.A. did the same thing. I know something is wrong with the bastard, that is why Welch and his team is now digging into his past as well.

This trial started way to quickly. It is like he wants Christian locked away or worse sooner rather than later. My whole team thinks that he has a secret agenda against Christian, but so far we couldn't find a connection.

"Mister Grey?" I look up and see my assistant Lauren standing at the entrance of my office.

"Yes Lauren?"

"There is a Mister Isaac Matthews here for you. He says he needs to talk to you in an urgent matter."

"Send him away Lauren, I don't know a Mister Matthews."

"Umm, I'm sorry Sir, but he insisted on talking to you. He said it was about your son Christian."

"What, send him in, now." I'm on my feet in a second. Oh please Lord, let this be someone with a real clue and not just one of those crazy bastards who wants money. I stare at the door until it opens and a young man comes in followed by a petite young woman, who is holding a baby.

"Thank you for seeing me Mister Grey. Sir, is your office a safe place to talk?"

"Yes" I won't give away that Christian's security team is checking my office twice a day for any bugs or hidden cameras.

"Ok" he turns to the woman and takes the baby from her. She takes of her sunglasses and the hood of her jacket. I look at her and clutch my mouth with one hand. My God, can it be?

"Anastasia?"

"She has amnesia Sir. I will tell you everything you need to know. Just promise me to keep her and your grandchild safe."

"What?"

"This is my daughter. Zack told me you are her father's father." Ana says and I step forward and look at the baby. Good Lord, it is true. This little baby has Christian's hair and eyes.

"Anastasia, you really don't remember me?"

"No, I... I'm sorry. Please don't let Zack go to prison. He saved me." She whispers and takes her baby back.

"Please, Mister Matthews, tell me what happened." he nods, we sit down and he starts to talk.

An hour later I'm sitting there with my mouth hanging open. This is unbelievable, but it is all the proof I need to get Christian out of prison. My God, and if it is the last thing on earth I'm going to do. I'm going to make this disgusting person pay for what she did to my son, the mother of my granddaughter and my entire family.

**The next chapter will be up Wednesday. I couldn't decide on a name for Ana's daughter, so if you have any idea's let me know...**

**Sunny**


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Ok, I know this is not how it would work in the real world, but since this is fiction I will write things just so they fit my storyline. Besides, I guess most of you can't wait to see Ana and Christian reunite, so Christian won't have to deal with all the procedures required by law. **_

_**Also, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who takes the time to read, review and follow my story. You guys rock! I really liked your suggestions for the name of C & A's baby girl, so tell me if you like the name I finally came up with. **_

_**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James. The storyline however is mine.**_

_**Christian's POV**_

I have no idea what is going on. Today should have been the last day of my trial, but I was informed that I was to stay in my cell. Fuck I'm going nuts in here. My closets at Escala are bigger than this fucking jail cell. Even worse, I can't leave this damned cell. All those fuckers here want to beat the fuck out of me, just so they can give it to the sadist billionaire. Not that I would step back from a fight, but the warden decided that I had to stay in solitary confinement. I guess it wouldn't look good if I got killed in his prison.

So, I'm just allowed to leave this cell one hour a day, to have a shower and go for walk at a separate place of the prison yard. Since I hate small spaces I'm actually looking forward to the trial, so I can leave this cell for a couple of hours. Now, I'm here when I should be in court and I have no idea why. I hate the unexpected and what more, I hate it when I can't do anything. There are only so much push-ups you can do before that goes boring and I think I have read the five books I have here about 20 times already.

Plus, even looking at books reminds me of Ana. I need to know what happened to her. If she is dead, I take the death penalty gladly. If not, I need to find her and make sure that she is safe. Even though I only knew her for a very short amount of time I know she wouldn't just disappear and leave me in this mess. She is sweet and good and would do anything for anyone.

"Grey, your father is here" a knock against the door of my cell startles me and the prison officer opens the door and leads me into one of the visit rooms. I look at my Dad and he is smiling. What the fuck?

"Dad, what is going on. Why am I here and not in court?" he hands me some documents and all I see is one line. All charges are dropped. Fuck, does that mean what I think it does?

"Dad, I don't understand. What is going on?"

"I will fill you in later son, but why don't you get your belongings and we leave this place. Your mother and sister are cooking all your favorites, they can't wait to have you home."

"Wait, so I'm free?"  
"Yes, but son this is a very long story and frankly I want you out of this place now." I'm shocked. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but 45 minutes later I'm in the car with my Dad and Taylor is driving. I think I never saw Taylor smile so brightly as he did the moment he saw me. Fuck I had the biggest smile on my face, too.

"So Dad, what happened?"

"Does the name Isaac Matthews say something to you?"

"I umm...yes, he is umm"

"He was the submissive of Elena Lincoln." Fuck, he knows. I tried to keep Elena out of this, after all even as annoying as she is, she is my only friend.

"Yes, how did you find out that she is part of my... umm lifestyle."

"You mean that this woman abused you as a child and lured you into a lifestyle no minor should take part in." Great he is mad and I know he will try to bring Elena down. I need to make him understand.

"Dad she helped me, I was out of control and she..."

"Son, do not defend that woman. She is in prison right now and she has confessed the murder of Leila Williams and Susannah Fields as well as the attempt murder of Anastasia."

For a second my mind is completely blank. Elena did what? And why?

"Dad, I don't understand."

"Son, this will be very hard for you to hear, but apparently you are some kind of a pet project for Elena. She has abused at least 6 other teenagers we know of so far. She wanted to transform them from troublemaker into successful men, so she could live of their fortune. You are the only one who turned out as she hoped.

All these years she was manipulating you and it was her end goal to make you believe, that she is the only woman to fulfil your needs. So, when you asked her to make contact with Miss Williams and Miss Fields again she feared you would consider more with them and she tricked them into believing you wanted to meet them in Aspen, where she killed them and buried them in your backyard."

I feel sick, I lean forward and put my head between my knees to someone get my erratic breathing back under control.

"Do you need to get out of the car for a moment. Taylor can pull over if you need fresh air Christian."

"No, just what has she done to Anastasia and how did all of this come out?"

"Well, Mister Matthews is working as a medical intern and your Mom's hospital. They know each other and he adores her. He saw her crying over you and couldn't go through with his original plan.

The day Anastasia went missing her boss asked her if she needed a ride. She got into the car with him, he drugged her and got her to Elena's. Apparently Elena and this Hyde character are both into the lifestyle and he owed her a favor. So, once Anastasia was at Elena's place and hit Ana's head several times with a heavy bookend.

Mister Matthews came by as the had a meeting that evening. Elena would always leave the door open for him and he heard Elena yell at Anastasia that those other woman couldn't take you away from her and she wouldn't achieve this goal as well. He was shocked and when Elena saw him she tried to convince him that it was Ana who attacked her first and that she acted in self-defense.

He checked her vitals and realised that Anastasia was still alive, but convinced Elena that she was dead and that he would get rid of her body for Elena. So he took her with him and brought her to his father's house. He is a Doctor as well and has his own private practise. He took care of her wounds and brought her to his place.

I have no idea how he managed to keep her alive as she was in a coma for weeks, but she survived and he kept her hidden to keep her safe as well as keep himself out of this. He feared his family would disown him and that he wouldn't be able to work as a doctor if his lifestyle became known.

He hoped that you would get out of this trial and planned to leave the country with Anastasia, but he couldn't go through with this plan after he found out that you would most likely be sentenced with the death penalty. So four days ago he came to me and told me everything."

"Why did Ana hide Dad, does she hate me?" This is not like Ana, I can't believe she knew what I was going through and just stay hidden.

"Christian, there is something you need to know. Anastasia is suffering from amnesia. She can't remember anything about her life and Mister Matthews made her believe that she is his sister and hiding from her abusive ex-boyfriend who tried to kill her."

"She can't remember me?" This can't be happening, what am I going to do now?

"No, and she is very confused and scared at the moment. She believed that Mister Matthews was her brother and knowing it was all a lie really upset her. Your mother could convince them that they stay with her at Bellevue, so Grace can watch her closely, as we hope that she will recover from her amnesia."

"So, eventually she will get her memories back?"

"We are still waiting on some test results, but the neurologist that has examined her told us that it is very likely that she will gain her memories back. She needs people she knew around her and go to places she liked to go before, as that mind make her remember things." I just nod. I feel like I was run over by a freight train, with this shitload of information my Dad just gave me.

I can't believe Elena did this. She fucking used me. She killed two innocent women and nearly Anastasia as well. Jesus Christ, I have no idea what to think and funny enough all I want is to see Anastasia to really see that she is alive.

I made her fall in love with me without even trying it, so surely I can make her fall in love with me again. I can do things right this time. No playroom, no punishment, no rules, just Anastasia and I. I can do this.

"We are here." my Dad announces and I look up. Damn, I missed my parents home. I guess I will stay here for a while as I'm sure that Escala will be haunted by the fucking media, plus Ana is staying here so there is no chance in hell, that I am going to stay anywhere else.

The moment I get out of the car I see Mia storming out of the house. She jumps into my arms, not giving a damn about my issues of being touched and in this moment I couldn't care less. I hug her tightly and she is just sobbing against my chest.

"I hope those are happy tears Mia" I tease her and she scowls at me. "I was so afraid that they would kill you. Are you ok?" she sobs and I take a handkerchief from my pocket to wipe her tears.

"I'm fine Mia. I promise." She is just about to answer when my Mom emerges and for the first time in my life she also ignores my boundaries and hugs me tightly. For a second I flinch, but to my surprise it feels good. Fuck, I always wanted her to hold me like this and her doing it now is overwhelming.

"Oh Christian, are you ok Darling. You look tired, have you lost weight?"

"I'm fine Mom, I promise. And yes I guess I lost some weight, the food was disgusting."

"We have all your favorites waiting for you. Are you hungry?"

" Yes Mom, but first I want to see Ana. Is she here?"

"Yes, she is in the livingroom with Elliot, Kate and her parents."

"I need to see her" I let go of my Mom and Mia and make my way inside. "Wait, Christian, there is something I haven't told you" I hear my Dad calling behind me, but I can't wait any longer. I need to see Anastasia with my own eyes.

I step into the living room and there she is sitting on the sofa with her parents. She looks up sees me and gets to her feet.

"You are him, right? You are Christian, I saw a picture of you" she says as she walks closer. Fuck, that hurts, she really doesn't remember me. "Yes" and I can't help it. I need to feel her, so I pull her into my arms and flinch when she places her hands on my back.

"Sorry, did I do something wrong?" she asks and backs up immediately. I'm just about to answer when I hear a baby cry. What the fuck? I watch Ana walking over to the other side of the living room where the noise comes out of bassinet and she picks up a baby, that stops to cry as soon as she has it safely in her arms.

"Who's baby is this Ana?" Did I miss something and Elliot knocked Kate up? No, can't be I wasn't away that long. Ana comes to stand in front of me and turns the baby so I can see it and what I see is scaring the shit of me. The baby has a mop of dark copper-colored hair and is looking at me with the same grey eyes that I have.

"This is our daughter. Her name is Mireya Grace." A baby? I have a baby? Fuck!

**A/N: Mireya is a spanish name and means miracle. Since it is a miracle that Ana and the baby survived I thought the name would be fitting. Next chapter will be up friday. Until then, please leave a review :)**

**Sunny**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you all for waiting so patiently for this update. I'm slowly getting better and can write again, so updates will come more often again. I would like to reply to the review of a guest, who said there was no originality at all because I named A & C's daughter Mireya. I wasn't aware that there is another story that were a daughter of C & A is named Mireya. After all, there are more than 1.4 k stories for FSOG here on FF and I'm following about 50 stories, if I would start to check every story for similarities I wouldn't be able to update at all. So it was merely a coincidence that I picked a name that was already used in another story.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James**

_**Ana's POV**_

I take my beautiful baby girl in my arms and walk over to Christian.

" Whose baby is that Ana?" Christian asks, I turn Mireya so he can look at her and his eyes widen in what looks like shock.

"This is our daughter. Her name is Mireya Grace." I watch as all the color drains from Christian's face and he just stares at our daughter, then shakes his head in utter disbelief and runs both hands through his hair.

"I... I need to get out." and with that he storms out of the room. Ok, that was not what I expected. Maybe it's me. Maybe he doesn't want a baby with me, because I can't imagine that there is someone in this world who would not fall instantly in love with my beautiful baby girl.

"Ana, please don't be upset. I'm going to talk to Christian." Grace says and is at my side immediately. "No, umm can I talk to him please?"

"Yes, of course." I smile at her, give Mireya to my mother and walk out of the room. I walk through the hallway looking for Christian and see that the front door is open. I look outside and find him sitting on the stairs outside.

"Hi, do you want to be alone or can we talk?" I ask cautiously and he looks up at me. "It's ok, sit down."

I sit down next to him and feel shy all of a sudden. "So, umm I guess no one told you about our baby?"

"No... I ... Ana I can't be a father. Look you don't know me yet, but I'm really fucked up and my life has become a total mess. And even if everything was fine, I'm not father material."

"How do you know if you don't try." he snorts at that and that makes me mad. "My life isn't exactly rainbows and unicorns either. I mean, I woke up from a coma with no memories at all. The only person in the world I knew lied to me for months, and now I'm here surrounded by strangers who know more about myself than I do. I had to give birth to our daughter at home, because Zack told me I couldn't go to a hospital and that was pretty scary, but you know what. She was worth it, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know I won't change my mind about that even if I get my memories back, so you could at least try."

He glares at me. "You still have that smart mouth of yours, but Ana believe me if you want the best for your child it is not me."

"How can you say that? Is that what you think, that you would ruin our daughters life, if you would try to be a father for her?"

He looks at me with those intense grey eyes and I squirm a little. "I don't think I would Ana, I know I would screw up her life. Besides, as soon as you put my name on her birth certificate the child protective services will probably take her away anyway."

"Why, it is proven that you are innocent. I mean, I don't know all yet, but at least I know that you are not a killer."

"I'm a monster Anastasia and more so I'm a sadist. If you don't believe me then google my name and you will see." and with that he gets up and stalks back into the house.

A sadist? What is that supposed to mean. Oh this is all so confusing. First the police questioned me for hours about things I didn't know. Then I had to do so many tests at the hospital. I met a family and friends I didn't know I had and now the father of my child thinks he will ruin her life if he takes part in raising her.

"Hey, you ok?" I look up and see Elliot leaning against the wall. Out of everyone I met, I like him best. He is easy-going and it is easy to talk to him. He reminds me of Zack.

"No, Christian doesn't want to have anything to do with Mireya. Elliot he said he is a sadist and that authorities would take my baby away from me, if I would put his name on her birth certificate. Is that true?" he sighs and sits down next to me.

"Look Ana, Christians life was and still is really complicated. I think his biggest problem is that he doesn't like himself. You should give him time, he's been through a lot."

"So am I Elliot, but I don't abandon my child. I just ... you know I can't understand how any one, much less so her own father, can not love her."

"I don't think that he feels nothing for her Ana. It's more that he wants to protect her, even if he has to protect her from himself. As to someone taking her away from you, don't worry about that. You are her mother and you have taken good care of her, there is nothing the authorities could come up with to justify taking her into state care."

"I'm scared." I confess. "Scared of what?"

"Well, Zack took care of us, now I don't know how to support Mireya. I can't remember any of my education, I don't know if I ever will. How am I going to find a job and home for us."

"Ana believe me, you have nothing to worry about. First, you can stay here as long as you want and second even if Christian doesn't want to take an active role in your daughter's life, he will make sure that she has a good home and is financially secured." I just nod. I'm confused and tired.

"Elliot do you have a computer I could use? Christian said I should google his name."

"You can use Mia's laptop, but I don't think you should do that Ana. Just wait and let him talk to you Ana."

"I can't do that Elliot. If Christian thinks that he is a danger to our daughter I need to know what is going on."

"Fine, I'll ask Mia to let you use her laptop."

_**Christian's POV**_

I have avoided Ana and the child all day. Christ, that was unexpected. I though I would return home and finally see Ana. A small part of me even hoped she would gain her memories back once she would see me. Instead I was confronted with a baby that looks like me.

A father. How in the world can I be a father? I'm completely fucked up and my life is a mess. I don't want to burden my child with all that fucked upness. People will point their finger at her and talk behind her back the moment they know that I'm her father. I don't want that for her, but that also means I can never again be with Ana. Maybe this is for the best, it wouldn't have been easy for Ana to be associated with me.

Fuck, when did this happen to me? When did I lose every bit of control over my life? I hope Elena burns in hell. She used me all those years and I believed her. Ana knew it, she told me in Georgia that Elena is pedophile and I chose not to believe her. No, I didn't want to believe her, because that would have made my perfectly controlled world nothing but a lie and now it all came crashing down.

I've spent most of the day in my father's office with him telling me what exactly happened. I asked him to make a deal for Isaac. Of course, he could have told the authorities the moment he got Ana out of there, but at least he saved her life and made sure she and my daughter where safe. Besides, my Dad told me how much he means to Ana and I don't want her to go through more pain, when he has to go through a trial. Right now, the FBI is keeping him in a safe place, so no one can harm him until they figured everything out.

Fuck me, I knew that this bastard of a D.A. was completely against me, but I had no idea that he was into the lifestyle or had anything to do with Linc. And it all comes down to Elena and my misjudgment of her character. I called Ros today and she told me GEH is doing just fine. She wanted to know when I would return to work, honestly I have no idea.

With the trials against Elena, Linc and the fucking D.A. the media will continue to haunt me and I don't want to hurt me company with this. Plus, I'm not sure if anyone wants to work with me directly anymore. I can only imagine how they are going to look at me. No, I need to take some time to myself and figure out what to do with my life. Ros did a great job and she assured me that she can take care of anything until I'm ready to return, so there is no rush.

I look at the clock on the wall of my childhood bedroom and see that it is 3 am. I went to bed at 11 pm, but woke about an hour ago from a nightmare. I know if I go back to sleep I most likely will have another one, so I get up and walk into the kitchen to get a drink. On my way back I can't help but stop at the guest room Ana is staying in. I silently open the door and see Ana sleeping in the bed. I just look at her for a while, she looks so peaceful, so beautiful, but then my gaze shifts over to the cradle next to the bed.

It's the same that Mia slept in when she first came to live with us. I walk over, careful to make no sound and look at the baby. My daughter. Even the thought is crazy. I am a father. I think about my father, not Carrick but my biological father. I have no idea who he is. Will she say the same thing about me one day and wonder why I never even tried to be a father.

Is that really what I want? I continue to look at her and suddenly she moves her little arms and legs. Oh no, is she going to wake up? I should leave, but I can't, I can't even look away. She opens her eyes and just looks at me. I can't help it, I reach out and pick her up. I could hold Mia as a baby, so I guess this should work with my daughter as well.

Good God, what is that smell and then I realise it's her. Her lower lip starts to quiver and I know she is about to scream bloody murder. I look around, but there is no changing table. I walk into the en suite and there it is.

"Looks like you are challenging me right from the start young lady, but don't worry I'm up for that challenge." or at least I hope so, but how difficult can it be to change a shitty diaper? It turns out that it is very difficult. Once I finally managed to get her out of her clothes and open the diaper I feel like I have to gag, but I clean her and even get a clean diaper under her little bottom, when she starts to pee.

"You know Mireya that is not very nice, we were almost done, but I can see that you are challenging, just like your mom. She doesn't know it, but she challenged me like no one else ever did and you know what, I love it. It's gets boring if anyone does what you say and coming from me, that means a lot, because as you mommy would say, I'm a control freak.

Yes, you will learn that soon little one. I like control and you will probably hate me as a teenager because I won't let any boy anywhere near you. I know what boys that age want, but not with you. You better take your mother as a role model and stay a virgin until you have finished college or otherwise I might have to kill that fucker who dared to touch you. Hmm, I guess I shouldn't say the f-word in front of you, but we keep that a secret, okay?" As I talk to her I realise I want to be a part of her life.

Damn, I can't let her grow up without being there for her. I would probably drive me insane not knowing what she does all the time. Fuck, I guess I have no choice and more so, I want to take care of her and Ana. I change her wet diaper, dress her again and pick her up from the changing table.

"Okay, Mireya Grace Grey we are going to make a deal. I promise to try to be a good father for you, but you have to cut me some slack if I fuck up. Because I will, I will drive you nuts with rules and security and I really hope you have my healthy appetite, because if you as little as your mother we are going to argue a lot and I'm telling you now you won't win that argument. But what I can promise you is that you will always have a home and no matter what is going on in your life you can always ask me for help or advise. I won't allow anyone to hurt you and you will never know what it feels like to be hungry, I won't ever let that happen to you and you are lucky, your mommy is a great woman. She will always be there for you too and you have a family that is there for you too. You are a lucky girl, even with me as your daddy."

I turn around with her and see Ana standing in the entrance of the bathroom with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, are you ok?"

"Yes, it was just what you said to her, that was really sweet and you didn't wake me up, I wake up every time Mireya does." she shrugs embarrassed and we both get back into the guest room. I put Mireya back into her cradle and watch Ana sing a lullaby for her. Within minutes Mireya is sound asleep and Ana sits down on the edge of her bed.

"I did what you told me to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I googled you." Oh fuck!

"And now you want me to stay the hell away from you." Please give me a chance.

"No, I mean, first I don't believe everything that I read. If you are into that lifestyle, I don't know I guess it wouldn't be called a lifestyle if there weren't many people who like to be involved in it. And second, it's no one elses business what you like to do behind doors, but I have a question."

Oh shit, this can't be good. Ana looks really uncomfortable and I think I know what her question is. "Go on."

"Kate told me that I broke up with you a couple of weeks before I went missing. After reading about your lifestyle I did a little research about BDSM and I don't think that I am submissive. So, did you beat me? Is that why I broke up with you?"

Oh fuck! If I tell her I hit her with a belt she will probably tell me to stay the hell away from her and Mireya and if I lie and she gets her memories back she will be mad at me for lying to her. Fuck, what am I going to do now?

**Next update Tuesday. Please leave a review and share your thoughts with me :-)**

**Sunny**


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Thanksgiving! I'm sorry that this chapter is a little late, but there will be another update either tomorrow or saturday. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James**

_**Christian's POV**_

Okay, here goes nothing, I can't lie to Ana. "I think we should go downstairs, I'd rather we wouldn't talk about this in front of our daughter." Ana nods, takes the baby monitor and follows me downstairs.

We walk into the kitchen and sit down. "Has someone told you how we met Ana?"

"Yes, Kate told me that I interviewed you for a student newspaper. She was supposed to do it, but she caught the flu, so I went to interview you."

I smile at the memory. "Yes, you fell head first into my office, when I looked into your eyes, all I wanted was to get to know you. You bewitched me. I was fighting with myself Ana, I wasn't sure if I could introduce you to my lifestyle. In the end I couldn't stay away, so I brought you to my penthouse and showed you my playroom."

"Playroom?"

"A room in my penthouse were all the implements needed for my lifestyle are placed in. I was worried that you would run when I led you into the room, but you were very calm, well maybe shocked, but you didn't run. So, I showed you part of the contract."

"A contract?" Now Ana sounds confused.

"Yes, all my submissives and I would sign a contract, saying what we would and wouldn't do."

"So it's true, I was your submissive?"

"No, you never signed the contract Ana and you are not exactly submissive."

"So, you were my boyfriend?"

"Yes, well I guess. We were both trying Ana, I wanted to give you more while you were trying to do the things I like. It was complicated and I wish I'd just opened my eyes and realised what I know now, but I didn't."

"That means you hit me? I mean if I was trying ..."

"I spanked you twice, one time as a punishment and the other time up on your request." Ana blushes and I smile, I thought I would never see her again, but yet here she is.

"Christian, why did we break up?"

"You went to Georgia to visit your mother. I was worried that you would slip through my fingers. I never wanted anything so badly as I wanted and still want you Ana. So, I followed you to Georgia. When we came back to Seattle you stayed at my apartment and the next morning you asked me to show you how bad it could get, you know the punishment. I was stupid to follow through and show you. I hit you with a belt six times on your behind. You never used the safeword and at first I thought we would be fine, but you left me. You ... you told me that you loved me, but couldn't be what I needed."

I give her a moment to take that in and she just looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes. "What do you mean, I never used the safeword?"

"In my lifestyle safewords are used to stop a scene or bring to attention that you are close to reach your limits."

"Well, being hit with a belt doesn't sound pleasant to me." she mutters and looks at me as if she is weighing something up in her mind. "Did you enjoy it, hurting me?"

Ok Grey, suck it up, go for honesty. "While I was doing it, yes. Ana there is so much about me that you don't know, but please believe me I would never hurt you again. All this months when I thought you were dead, I realised that I love you and I know I'm not good enough for you, but I can try if you let me."

"Christian look, I ... I'm sorry, but what you just told me about playrooms and contracts and being spanked and hit with a belt, that is a lot to take in on top of what I already have to deal with. I won't deny that I feel that there is something between us, but right now I don't even know what to think. It's all just confusing and there is so much I need to think about that I don't think it would be a good idea to try to build a relationship right now."

"It's ok Ana, I know you need time and I want you to know that you are not alone. No matter if you decide to give me a chance or not, I will always be there for you and our daughter."

"My mom goes back to Georgia in 4 days, her husband needs to go back to work and they want me to stay with them in Georgia. Kate offered me to stay at her apartment and Ray said I could move back to Montesano and stay with him. I don't know what to do, what do you think, what would I have picked before I lost my memory?"

"You love your mother very much, but I don't think you would have moved all across the country away from your friends. But to be honest, I'm being a little selfish here, I don't want you to leave Seattle. On the other side, Kate's apartment won't be big enough if you want to stay there with Mireya, also I think you will need help while you are adjusting to all the changes in your life, so Ray would be a better pick. If you don't want to leave Seattle you could stay in one of the apartments I own around town. I'm going to stay here for a while, so Gail could help you, but you could just stay here my parents love you Ana."

"I don't know. I feel like no matter what I chose someone will be disappointed." she sighs and rubs her forehead.

"Ana, you can't please everyone, you should decide what you want based on what feels the best and safest for you." I frown when Ana looks around to check if anyone is there.

"That's my problem Christian. My mom is so nice and I really like her, but since I've met her, I don't feel safe with her. I have this strange feeling about her. I can't explain it, but even though she is my mother I feel like something about our relationship just isn't right."

"I don't know, you seemed to really love her Ana, but if you don't feel safe with her then you shouldn't go with her. You have so many options, take all the time you need to decide where you want to live. Though, since your doctors said that you need to go to places you've been a lot and see the people you were close to as often as possible, so I feel like staying in Seattle would be the best choice."

Damn, I'm being so selfish right now. I want her to stay here. Maybe staying with Ray would be best for her, as she has spent most of her life in Montesano with her father, but I want her here close to me. I want her to remember me and if she doesn't I want her to fall in love with me again. Fuck, I don't think she will after everything she knows and I couldn't blame her if she wanted nothing to do with. Hell, I wouldn't want anything to do with me if the roles were reversed.

"I have to think about it. Christian can I ask you something?"

"Ana, you can ask me what ever you want."

"Please don't hate Zack. I know if he would have called the police right away your life would never have become so difficult, but he is really important to me. I don't want him to end up in prison."

I want to answer her, but suddenly it hits me. What if she is in love with him? "Do you love him?"

"He is like a brother to me Christian, I believed he was for almost a year. I could never see him for anything else than the brother I never had."

"Good, and to answer your question, I have no intention to sue him. After all he saved your life and kept you and our daughter safe when I couldn't do it. I know from my Dad that Isaac is in safe place under watch from the FBI, there is so much fucked up stuff going on and he is the only witness, so they have to make sure nothing happens to him. I promise you once this is all over I will offer him my help with whatever he might need."

"Thank you" Ana gets up, hugs me tightly and I freeze. She backs up immediately and looks at me. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No, it is just ... I have issues Ana. I had a very traumatic childhood before I came to live with the Grey's. As a result of that I have a phobia of being touched."

"You can't be touched?" Ana frowns and I know exactly what is going through her mind.  
"I can't have anyone touch my chest or back. Other than that it I can deal with being touched."

She eyes me speculatively and it is like she is staring right into my dark soul. "So, I guess that is part of why you choose that lifestyle. I mean there is a lot of bondage involved, if the women you are with are tied up they can't touch you."

"Yes, that is part of it Ana, but it is not the main reason. First, I never knew any other way. I had my first vanilla sex with you ..."

"Vanilla sex? What is that?" I have to laugh Ana looks so alarmed and she glares at me. "I'm sorry Ana, vanilla sex means just sex, no toys, no bondage or anything else."

"Why with me, I mean you were with women before."

"Yes, I was, but I never were with a virgin before and it didn't feel right to take your virginity in a bdsm setting, so I took you to my bedroom."

"I was a virgin? Are you kidding me, I was almost 22 when we met! Who stays a virgin that long?"

"That is exactly what I was thinking when you told about your sexual status. Hasn't Kate told you that I was your first boyfriend?"

"Well, she has," Ana mutters and blushes. "but I thought that was her way of telling me, that I was a fan of the casual sex life."

"No, I'm the only man you have ever been with."

"Well, at least I'm not a slut." Ana mumbles and I can tell something is bothering her. "Ana, what is it. I can see that you are over thinking something."

"No, it's just ... look this might sound conceited, but in the last three days every guy I met was flirting with me ... even one of the Doctors gave me his number, so I don't understand how I got through college without one single date. I mean, it's strange isn't it?"

Actually she is right, it is strange, but she never seemed to notice that all those fuckers wanted her. "All I can say about that is, that you never seemed to notice all those guys who wanted you. It drove me nuts seeing all those guys drooling over you. It was like you didn't even know how beautiful you are."

"Really, because actually, I think I'm pretty hot. Anyways, I'm tired. Let's talk tomorrow again. I might be able to get 2 hours of sleep before our daughter is hungry again. Goodnight Christian and thanks for being so honest, I really appreciate it." and with that she leaves the kitchen.

What the hell just happened? Did Ana just say she is hot? I mean, not that I would ever disagree with that assessment, but the Ana I know would never say something like that about herself. Come to think of it, she seemed much more relaxed and confident around me. Maybe this is just coincidence, but something tells me that there is more to it. I always felt that it was odd for a beautiful girl like Ana to be so shy and not even aware of her own beauty and now that changed, but other than that she is still the same.

Maybe there is a reason why Ana was the way she was when we first met and I have a feeling it will all come out as soon as she starts to remember.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Ana's POV**_

I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything Christian told me last night. I let him hit me with a belt. What was I thinking? I mean was I expecting it wouldn't hurt or that a man who has some kinky room with whips, paddles and stuff like that would go easy on me?

At least I know he didn't lie to me. First, I'm sure no one who by his own admission is in love with me would come up with a story like that if it wasn't true and second I asked Kate and she confirmed that I was a virgin before I met Christian. Apparently I never dated in college or even made out with a guy at a party or something like that.

I still have no idea why though. I mean, I'm good-looking and I think I'm a nice person, so why did I never date? Kate told me I was concentrating on my studies and my work at a hardware store. So, I guess I was pretty boring and judging from my clothes I had no style at all. I looked through all the stuff Kate brought over for me and there were no dresses, one skirt and the rest looked like I wanted to hide myself with my clothes.

Also I don't fit in them at all. I mean, yes, I had a baby recently, but all my clothes were a size 2 and I saw many pictures of me were I was like super skinny. I hope I wasn't suffering from an eating disorder or something like that. Right now, I'm a size 6 and actually I like it. I have some nice curves and my belly is almost flat again, so I don't think I want to go back to size 2.

Mia is great, she gave me a lot of her clothes, which are much nicer than what I have and this morning at breakfast Christian gave Mia his credit card and so we could shop online for new clothes. We had a lot of fun and I can't wait for my new clothes to arrive. Talking about breakfast, Christian was looking at me with a big smile while I was eating. Actually, I noticed my parents and Kate are looking the same way at me every time I eat. At first I tought I had funny eating habits, but I don't eat more than anyone else, so that can't be it. Maybe I really wasn't eating before I lost my memory, but that's a topic I'm going to tackle down another day.

Today, I'm going to meet another friend of mine. His name is Jose and Kate told me he was a good friend of mine in college. I'm looking forward to meet him, maybe he can tell me more about myself. When he arrives, I ask Mia to look after Mireya and go for a walk with Jose. I figured out that it is much easier to meet new people alone, in groups they tend to overwhelm me with all the information they have about me, so this works best for me.

"Tell me how we met" I ask him and he frowns.

"You really don't remember anything?"

"No, so tell me."

"We met on our first week at WSU. We were both kinda lost and so we started talking and became friends. Our fathers were in the Army together and through us they reconnected again."

"Did we hang out a lot?"

"Sure, we would see each other almost every day. You know Ana, we were really close." I stare at him and the way he said that somehow rubs me the wrong way, it's like he is trying to tell me something else.

"What do you mean?" he stops looks at me and takes my hand in his. "Ana, I loved you from the day I met you, but you never wanted me as more as your friend. Then you met Grey and I thought I would never have a chance to be with you. After you broke up with him, I was there for you. We fell in love Ana. We kept it a secret because you were worried what Kate would think of you if you jumped from one relationship into another right away."

I look at him and for some reason I don't believe him. I mean, first I was a virgin until I was almost 22 and then I jumped from one guy straight to the next one. That doesn't sit right with me. Since he said we kept quiet about it, I can't ask Kate, so I guess I have to figure this out on my own.

"So, we had sex?"

"Yes, but more so we were in love Ana. I want to be with you."

"Oh, ok, umm just one question. I have this tattoo, do you know if it has a meaning. You know the one near my pubic bone?"

"Umm, no. You just liked the way it looked." He says shifting uncomfortable from foot to foot.

"You know what, we are no friends. You are a liar and I don't need liars around me. Don't waste your time by coming to see me again Jose." I turn on my heel and start to walk back to the house, but he blocks my way.

"Wait, Ana please. I love you and Grey is not good enough for you" he whines.

"Oh and you think someone who has no problem lying to me is good enough for me? You should be damned happy that you are not in my position, because I have to trust strangers every day. You lied to me once and I won't give you a chance to do it again." I try to walk around him, but he grabs me by the arm.

"Take your hands off Miss Steele now or I have to use force." we both turn around and I'm glad to see one of Christian's security guys. I think his name is Sawyer and boy he looks pissed.

"What do you want?" Jose hisses and with that Sawyer grabs him by his shirt. "I want you to take your filthy hands off her. The lady doesn't want you near her." Jose finally lets go off me and Sawyer pulls me behind him. "If you know what is good for you, you will leave now!" Jose looks pleadingly at me, but I do nothing. He lied to me and in my situation I have to rely on people to tell me the truth, not fill my head with lies or else I will probably never get my memories back.

Finally Jose seems to get the message and takes off. "Are you alright Miss Steele?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Were you following me?" now Sawyer looks uncomfortable, but I don't think it was coincidence that he showed up the moment Jose got pushy.

"Yes Ma'am. Mister Grey asked me to watch over you. He doesn't trust Mister Rodriguez."

"Looks like he was right about it." I mutter and continue to walk back to Grey's home. Once inside I find Mia and Christian playing with Mireya in the family room.

"Hey Ana, you were quick."

"Yep, turns out Jose is not my friend at all." I sigh and flop down on the sofa.

"What, did that fucker try something?" Christian is furious and I roll my eyes. "Whoa, we don't use the f-word in front of Mireya, because if that is going to be her first word it will be you who gets his mouth washed out with soap!" I threaten Christian and he looks shocked.

"What, it's not her fault if she starts saying it if you do it in front of her. So don't do it."

"I'll keep that in mind. So, what did the boy do?"

"He told me we had something going on after I broke up with you. I guess he thought I would just accept that and be his girlfriend, but something about him didn't sit right with me, so I asked him about the tattoo on my pubic bone."

"Wait, what? You don't have a tattoo Ana." Christian says immediately and I grin. "See Christian, and that's how I know that you have seen me naked before and he hasn't."

"You tricked him?" Christian sits down next to me and I look at him. "Well, after I discovered yesterday that I never dated before I met you, I found it hard to believe that I would just jump to the next guy and he seemed nervous. I'm sick of being lied to, so if I have to trick every one I meet to get the truth, I'll do it." I explain and lean forward to grab a cookie from the plate on the coffee table.

"You seem to have a healthy appetite, usually it was painful to get you to eat." he says and I frown. "So, that is why you smiled the entire time when I was eating breakfast this morning."

"Yes, I just enjoy to see you eat like a normal person, you were to thin when we met and as I said getting you to eat a full meal was painful."

"Well, if it makes you happy, I'm not planing on going back to size 2. I just want to do some exercises so my belly comes back in shape. Grace told me about this mommy fitness groups and I think I'm going to enroll one, once I have decided where I'm going to stay."

Christian looks sad all of a sudden and I don't like that look on his face at all. "Georgia isn't one of the options I'm considering any more, I'm just torn between going to Montesano with Ray or stay here at your parents place. Georgia is just to far away from here, I want you to be able to see Mireya when ever you want."

"Thank you Ana, that means a lot to me." he smiles and again I feel this pull between us, but choose to ignore it. Now is just not the right time to start anything. Maybe, if I get my memories back I remember that I wanted nothing to do with him and I have no idea what I would do then.

"Your welcome" I get up and take Mireya from Mia. "Hi baby girl, did you miss mommy? Yes, I know you did. Come on, we are going to check if your grandma has some chocolate ice cream for mommy, maybe if I eat enough you get cocoa tonight instead of milk" I joke and she scrunches her little face up. "Does that mean you don't want cocoa or are you making your diaper poopie?" When she pulls her knees up, which is accompanied by a loud rumbling from her backside I know what it is.

"Wow, was that her?" I have to laugh over the expression on Christian face.

"Yes, she can rip them like a big girl, excuse me, someone needs a new diaper ASAP" I leave the family room, change Mireya and feed her since it is her time. We cuddle a little and once she is asleep I take a quick shower, still thinking about what I learned today and determined to find out why I feel so different from the girl everyone is describing to me.

Two days later Christian and my mom are babysitting Mireya, so Kate, Mia and I can go to a hair dresser. I am in desperate need of a hair cut since the ends of my way to long hair went really dry throughout the pregnancy and nothing I tried to fix that problem helped.

Kate and Mia have picked a beauty salon where you can get anything done and while I choose a new haircut from a book with pictures they have a waxing. They wanted me to get one as well, but since I gave birth only four weeks ago and still have a little discharge there is no way in hell I'll let anyone near that area other than my doctor right now.

I flip through the pages of the book and come across a long layered cut that is really pretty, but it is even more the color of the hair that catches my attention. It a dark ruby-red kind of color that looks really sexy. Before I can stop myself I call Grace with the cellphone my Dad bought me.

"Hello Ana, do you need something darling?"

"Hi Grace, listen I'm about to get my hair done and I'm thinking about changing my hair color as well, is it ok to dye my hair. I mean, I'm breastfeeding and I don't know what they use to color my hair."

"No darling, that will be fine. What did you chose?"

"I show you once I'm back home. See you soon Grace."

"Ok, bye darling."

"Bye" I hang up and tell the hair dresser that I want the cut and color from the picture and she seems excited.

"Do you think you get this done within two hours? It's the first time I had to pump milk for my daughter and I'm not sure if she will take the bottle" I ask my hair dresser.

"Two hours are enough time" she answer and first cuts my hair before she puts the color on.

"Hey Ana, wow are you going to chance your color, you've never done that before" Kate says when she and Mia come from there waxing and what ever else the have done.

"Yes, I want something that is more like me."

"What color is it going to be" Mia wants to know, but I just smile. "Wait and see."

Once Lucy, my hair dresser, washes the my hair and blow dries it Kate and Mia are gaping at me, but all I can do is staring at myself in the mirror. I love the color and finally I feel that my looks are matching my personality. A little wild, sexy, but also mature. Yes, this is much better than my former style.

"Ana, it's red" Kate gasps and I giggle. "I know, it's perfect, right?"

"I ... wow ... you shocked me Steele, but your right, it's hot. You look like a bombshell with that hair. Christian won't know what has hit him." she says and I roll my eyes.

"Kate, I'm not doing this to impress Christian. I'm doing this to discover who I am and today I learned that I want to be a redhead."

"Well, your hair certainly is red now, man your eyes look even more gorgeous now with that hair color."

"I know, let's go home. I want to show my new me to the others." We pay, leave the salon and when we arrive back at Bellevue I hurry upstairs to change into one of my new outfits. I decide on a tight blue jeans, brown boots, a white sleeveless blouse and a wide belt that matches the color of my knee-high boots. I use a little mascara and kohl for my eyes and with that I'm ready.

I go downstairs and hear Elliot and Christian talking in the family room. I walk over to the family room and as soon as I'm in the room all the Grey's and my parents are gaping at me in shock. For a few seconds there is a complete silence in the room and it is Christian who finds his voice first.

"What the hell have you done to your hair?!"

_**Next chapter will be up tomorrow or a day later. If you have time, please leave a review. **_

_**I have also created a pinterest board for this story, you can see Ana's new hair color, cut and outfit there. Since FF won't let me put a link in here, you can find the link on my profile page.**_

_**Sunny**_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Since I wanted to get this chapter out for you today, I didn't have the time to answer questions from chapter 9 reviews and I'm going to do it in this note. If you didn't have a question you can just skip the A/N. **

**Rachel - Nope, Ana's hair color is permanent :-)**

**shalonda33 - I couldn't find you on pinterest ... I also tried the link from my profile while I wasn't logged in and it worked, so I don't know what to do :-(**

**MzKitty8 - You will find out in this chapter ;-)**

**Sally - There will be lemons, but not in the next couple of chapters. Ana has still 2 more weeks to wait until she is cleared to have sex again and I don't want to rush them, there are a lot of topics that need to be covered. But I promise, once we reach the lemons there will be a lot of them ;-)**

**loves4paws - From what my doctor told me, you can't use hormonal birth control as long as you're nursing. So, yes this will become a topic for them since a condom is the safest type of non-hormonal birth control and we all now Fifty doesn't like them... **

**To all my other reviewers and readers, thank you so much and if I've forgotten to answers a question, please send me a pm or leave a review for this chapter an I promise I will answer it. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James. The storyline however is mine.**

_**Ana's POV**_

"What the hell have you done to your hair?!"

I stare at Christian not understanding in the slightest why he is mad. "What is wrong Christian?"

"What is wrong? Look at you! That's not acceptable, I'm going to call a hair dresser to fix your hair." I look at him in utter disbelieve and judging his look, he is serious about it.

"You will do no such thing Christian. I love my new hair color." What on earth is wrong with him?

"I don't care I..." I hold one hand up to stop him from talking and he really shuts his mouth, though he continues to glare at me.

"Christian, I don't know what your problem is and actually, right now I don't care. I don't tell you how you should wear your hair and I expect the same from you. You told me you want me to give you a chance just two nights ago and with your behavior you are not helping yourself to achieve that goal.

What you fail to understand is that I'm not the girl you met anymore and I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I know this new hair color will probably take some getting use to for all of you, but ever since I saw myself in the mirror with it, I feel more like myself than I have since I woke up from that coma. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to change it back just to please you. And if you love me like you told me then you shouldn't care about my hair color at all."

He looks at me for the longest time and sighs. "I still prefer brunettes and I'm not sure I will get use to it anytime soon, but fine have it your way." and with that he leaves the room.

"Don't worry Ana, he will calm down. Christian gets mad easily" Grace says apologetic and I just shrug. If he wants to pout over my new hair color so be it, I'm not going to dye my hair back just to please him.

_**Christian's POV**_

Fuck, I need to get out. I leave the house, but of course there is still the fucking media, who is now camping outside the gates. Fuck this, I feel like a caged animal and now on top of it Ana is mad at me.

Damn, seeing her with that new hair color was a shock, but what was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell her to dye her hair back because I prefer brunettes, since petite brown-haired girls remind me of my birth mother. Yeah, I guess she would have loved that answer.

And what about her whole attitude? I don't get it, yes, she lost her memory, but it's like she is a completely different person now. She is so outgoing and doesn't take crap from anyone, but still she caring and I love watching her with our daughter. That little girl is so lucky to have Ana as her mom. I just wish I could have my Ana back, but she is right, I have to come to terms with the fact that she is no longer the girl I met.

So, I guess I have to accept the chances that come with 'new' Ana. After all, she is still the same person. Fuck, I probably should go back and apologize for my outburst, but I don't want Ana to start question why I reacted the way I did. I mean, honestly, how much more shit can I possibly pile on her before she takes Mireya and leaves.

"Christian?" I turn around and see Ray. He is holding two bottles of beer in his hands and points with his head towards the small dock next to the boathouse. I follow him, we sit down on the dock and I take the bottle of beer he is offering me.

"I don't want Annie or Carla to hear our conversation, so I figured this place will do." he looks nervous, which makes me wonder what it is he wants to talk about.

"Ray, I know I acted like an ass and..."

"You think" he snorts and takes a sip of beer. "Let me tell you, the last time she came home with that awful hair color, I was the one reacting like that and I drove her to the next hair dresser to get it fixed."

"What? She did this before?" I confused, this is not like the Ana I know.

"She sure did. 9th grade. She had just turned 15 and went to a sleepover at a friend's house. What I didn't know was that the sister of her friend had just finished hair dressing school. She styled Ana and her friend and Annie came home with almost the same haircut and color. I went nuts, I mean Montesano is a small town and people would be talking about her if she would walk around like that, but she was so damn stubborn. She threw a fit at the hairdresser, but in the end I insisted on changing the color back."

"Ray, that doesn't sound like the Ana I know."

"That's because you met her after Texas." he says and I can see the pain in his eyes. "What happened in Texas?"

"I don't know, she never told me. Look, I'm going to tell you this now, you two kids have a child and need to figure out how your future will look like. Maybe this will help you understand her better." He looks out to the sound for a while and finally continues.

"I met Carla when Annie was just a little baby. I guess you could say Carla was a hot mess. She was chaotic, completely unorganized, but still a lovely person, so I married her and gave Annie my name. I can't have own children and from day one Annie was my daughter to me.

Annie was an amazing kid, every day was an adventure for her. Once she could walk there was nothing that could stop her. I took her hiking, camping and she loved it. Carla, well she is more an indoor kind of person, so Annie and I did all those trips alone. The one thing that always made me so proud of Annie was that there was nothing she was afraid of. She would face anything head on.

One day when she was 8 I was called to her school because she got into a fight. You have to know she was a petite little thing, even the kids in her grade were at least a several inches taller than her. So, I went into the principal's office and there was my girl, her dress was full of mud, her hair was dishevelled and she had the most stubborn look on her face. In another chair sat a boy at least a year older and much taller than her with a bleeding nose. She beat the crap out of that little fucker." he chuckles thinking about that memory and I'm a little shocked. I can't picture Ana as a little brawler at all.

"Turned out that boy was bullying her and her friends for weeks and that morning when they had a break he came over to them on the schoolyard, took the glasses from one of Ana's friends and smashed them. Ana tried to stop him, he pushed her and she fell, when he started laughing at her she got up, pushed him down and gave him the beating he deserved. Of course the stupid principal saw it differently and Ana wasn't allowed to return to school for the rest of the week. You know what I did? I took her on a camping trip and told her that even though hitting someone isn't right, I was very proud of her."

"But why did she change Ray?"

"Carla and I had problems in our marriage, she wanted a fancy life and move to Seattle, but I love Montesano and I couldn't afford her the lifestyle she wanted. We tried to keep our family together for Annie, but in the end it didn't work out. Annie was a teenager by that time and it was really hard on her. She was always a straight A student, but her grades went down and she got an awful attitude. I knew it was the divorce and when Carla met that new guy Ana wanted to stay with me. Carla wouldn't let her and the court finally decided that Ana had to move to Texas with her mom and her new husband."

Ray stops again and this time I'm sure I can see tears in his eyes. "I should have done more, talked to Carla again, hell, I don't know. Anyway, they moved and Annie would call me every day, begging me to come and get her. I told her there was nothing I could do, that the court ordered her to live with her mom. After three months I couldn't take it anymore, it was breaking my heart to hear her cry on the phone and there was nothing I could do. So, I decided to move to Texas. I was already looking for a job there and trying to sell my house in Montesano. I figured if I would live there too she could stay over at my place a lot and it wouldn't be so hard on her.

The move never happened. It was a sunday, I was fishing and when I came home Annie just sat on the steps to the porch. I was raining like crazy, she was soaked to the skin and shaking violently. When I reached her I noticed that she was silently crying and she looked at me like she didn't even notice me. I got her into the house and wrapped her in towels and blankets, but when I asked her what had happened she didn't answer. She had nothing with her, just what she was wearing and I got so worried that I got her to the nearest hospital. While I was waiting outside the treatment room all sorts of terrible things went through my head, but the doctors couldn't find anything, no signs of rape or other abuse. She had a few scratches and a light bruise on one of her wrists, but other than that she was fine. So, I took her home and tried to get her to talk, but she refused to talk for nearly a week."

"What did Carla say?" Hell, something must have happened to her, Ana is not the kind of girl who would just run away.

"Carla, she had no idea Ana was gone, she spent that weekend with friends and wasn't at home. She told me Ana was putting up a show, so she could stay with me, but at this point there was no way in hell I would let my daughter go back there. I told Carla she had to come to Montesano and kill me if she wanted Annie back in Texas. That did the trick and Carla allowed Annie to stay with me. But from the day she returned Annie was different. She wasn't that buoyant, feisty young girl she had been all her life. She became very insecure, she wouldn't go out or meet with friends anymore. All she did was taking care of everything in the house and learning for school.

I got so worried about her that I took a mortgage on the house to pay for therapy, but she would never talk to the shrink. The only thing that made her happy were books. I would always find her sitting in a corner reading one of her books. I tried to find out what happened to her, but she never told me. She would change the subject as soon as I mentioned Texas. She wouldn't even talk to Carla until her first year of college, so for me seeing Annie now is bittersweet. I miss the Annie of the last couple of years, but seeing her like this also reminds me of the girl she was."

"And you have no clue about what has happened?" I can't accept that, there has to be a reason for this change and I will find out what it was.

"I have, but you have to promise me not to mention this."

"I won't Ray."

"Good, so a while after Annie came back from Texas Carla divorced her husband and when I asked her what happened, she wouldn't speak about it either. It was just like Annie and in that moment I knew what ever happened it was this Morton guy. I told Annie I had to leave town for two days and went to Texas to confront him. Of course, that fucker wouldn't tell me what he did to my daughter and after a while I had enough and went back to my car, but he made one mistake"

"What?"

"I was almost in the car, when he asked me if Ana was still the hot little piece of ass he remembered. I only hit him twice, but it was with enough force to break his nose and jaw. If we wouldn't have been in his driveway I would have killed the bastard. I mean you're a smart young man. A young girl leaves her home in such a hurry she doesn't take anything with her and hitch hikes all the way from Texas back to Montesano right at a weekend where she is alone with her mothers new husband. The moment he said that about my daughter, I knew he must have tried something or did something to Annie that scared the hell out of her and traumatized her so deeply she wasn't able to talk about it."

Fuck, I'm furious, I don't even know what happened to Ana, but I'm furious that something must have happened to her, that changed her so dramatically. And suddenly I remember something.

"The eating, was she so difficult about food before?"

"No, that happened at the same time. Annie was always a good eater, but from that day on you could tell if she was having a good or bad day by the way she would eat. If something had her upset or she was over thinking something, she would eat next to nothing."

"I'm going to Texas." I need to know what that bastard did to her.

"You will do no such thing, listen to me. Annie doesn't know that guy even exists right now and to me that is a blessing. If you rattle the cage with Morton she might remember, but I have no idea what that will do to her. I want her to remember anything first, but not him and you have a lot to deal with as it is, you don't want the media haunting you even more if they see you beat Morton to a pulp."

I hate to admit it, but he is right. I can't do that. My reputation is ruined as it is, I really can't add to this anymore.

"Fine, you're right, I won't go." Ray nods and gets to his feet, but before he turns to leave he looks at me. "Christian, you are the father of my grandchild and I know you care about my daughter, but I'm a not a stupid guy and I did my research about that lifestyle of yours. If you dare to hit my daughter with whips or canes or belts, even if she asks you to do it, and I find out about it, I will make you regret it. I might not know what happened to her, but Annie has been through enough. You have a daughter yourself and from one father to another I want you to treat my daughter just like you want someone to treat your little girl someday." With that he turns around and leaves.

I continue to sit there and stare at the water. Fuck, I would kill anyone who wanted to lure Mireya into my lifestyle. If I ever allow her to date, and that won't happen before she is 30, and the guy was a dominant, I would rip his head off. I want her to be treated like a queen, not beaten for someone elses pleasure, consensual or not, this is not what I want for her.

I know I couldn't hurt Ana like that again, it's a horrible thought to me, but I'm not sure how I will cope with her new self. So far, it shocked me that she would talk so bluntly to me and lecture me about my behavior. Thinking about it now that I have calmed down, her hair wasn't that bad, actually she looked hot. I know I should go and apologize now, but I continue to sit there and contemplate what to do with my life and what I really want. All I can come up is, that I want to spent my life with Ana and Mireya, maybe even have more kids. I also want to go back to work, but not with the crazy hours I did before, I want to see my daughter grow up and not leave before she is up and come home when she is asleep.

"Christian?" I look up and see Ana standing on the dock. "Do you need something?"

"No, Grace is looking for you, it's almost dinner time and she decided to do a BBQ since the weather is so nice."

"I'll be there and Ana, I'm sorry for my reaction to your hair. You look beautiful." She gives me a big smile and surprises me when she walks over to me, kneels down and leans over to whisper into my ear.

"Apology accepted and you know, rumor has it that readheads are wild in bed" she whispers seductively and fucking bites my earlobe teasingly. The next second she gets up and saunters back to the house.

Fuck me ... what the hell ... great, now I'm sitting here like an idiot with my mouth hanging open and the biggest raging hard on I have ever had in my life. Fuck, I try to think of everything disgusting I can come up with, but it's no help. I can't walk into the house like that, fuck me I won't even be able to walk without taking my pants off, so I do the only thing I can come up with to get my dick down again. I get up, kick my shoes off and jump fully clothed into the water ... fuck!

_**I will try to update again tomorrow, but I can't promise as I'm also working on an update for my other story ... If you have time, please leave a review :-)**_

_**Sunny**_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read. From now on I'm going to update this story once a week, so I'm able to update my two other stories as well. However if I end a chapter with a huge cliffhanger, there will be bonus chapters, so you don't have to wait a whole week for the next chapter...**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James.**

_**Ana's POV**_

I saunter back to the house and grin like an idiot. I have no idea what possessed me to tease Christian like that, but it was fun. I walk into the kitchen, were Mia, Kate, my mom and Grace are making salads and prepare the rest of the food for our BBQ. My mom is going back to Georgia tomorrow so it will be nice to have a BBQ and enjoy the nice weather.

"Did you find Christian, darling?"

"Yes, he was on the dock Grace, where is Mireya?" I look around and see that the bouncer chair she was sleeping in is empty.

"She woke up, Carrick, Elliot and Ray took her into the family room, I guess by now they are all making stupid faces, to make her laugh."

"Ok, can I help you?"

"If you want, sure. We need more beer for the men, would you mind going to the garage and get more out of the fridge in there?" Grace asks.

"I'll get them, how many bottles do we need?"

"10 bottles should be enough, there is a small basket in the garage, put them in there to carry it in here." I nod leave the kitchen and check on Mireya, who is getting entertained by her grandpa's and uncle, before I go into the garage and get the beer. I'm just back in the kitchen when my mouth pops open.

Christian walks into the kitchen from the backdoor and he is dripping wet.

"Oh dear, what happened darling?" Grace's is by his side immediately while Mia, Kate, my mom and I are just staring at him.

"I ... umm ... fell into the water." he mutters, but isn't looking her in the eyes. I think he is lying.

"And you had time to take your shoes of before you fell into the water" Kate says and points to the shoes in his hands which are dry.

"I took them off when I sat at the dock." I frown, I'm pretty sure he was wearing them when I was outside.

"No you didn't, you were wearing them five minutes ago when I came out to look where you were" Christian actually blushes when I say that, so I'm now convinced he was lying, but I have no idea why.

"Well, maybe you will tell us later why you decided to go for a swim fully clothed, but now I want you to go and change before you catch a cold" Grace says and Christian is only too eager to leave the room.

"Was he alright when you saw him Ana?"

"Yes Grace, I have no idea why he went swimming with his clothes on." I shrug and put the bottles from the basket into the fridge until we need them.

"Have you said something to him?" Mia asks and suddenly I put two and two together and start to giggle.

"Ana?"

"It's nothing Mia, come on, I'll help you with the salad." and with that we are off the topic. If my guess is right, I don't want to embarrass Christian by telling his mother and sister that he jumped into the sound because he needed to cool down, literally.

An hour later we are all sitting on the patio having a good time. Well, almost everyone, Mireya is crying and no matter what I do she won't stop. I went inside and tried to feed her, I checked her diaper and put her down in her stroller for a nap, but nothing worked.

"I'm going to walk around with her, that usually helps." I mutter and get up.

"I'll join you" Christian gets up too and we walk around the property. Miraculously, once I start to walk Mireya crying dies down and she just whimpers a little.

"Wow, she calmed down fast."

"Oh, believe me if I stop walking now, she will start all over again." I chuckle and now that we are alone something comes back to my mind.

"You know, I'm wondering how you managed to keep your lifestyle a secret, you are a terrible liar."

"Excuse me?" Christian looks appalled, but I just grin at him. "You fell in the sound? Come on, that was not even a good lie. You couldn't look Grace in the eyes while you lied to her and you blushed when I caught you lying."

"Maybe I just don't like to lie to my family, but then again telling my mother that the little redhead standing next to her gave me a raging hard on and then left me hanging, so I had to jump into the cold water to get my dick back down is not something I would even consider to do." he hisses and I giggle.

"Come on, I was just teasing you. Haven't I teased you while we were seeing each other?"

"Not exactly, you were very different Ana, but I have to admit I'm starting to enjoy this new side of you."

"That is good, because I like the way I am."

"So, do you want to put your theory to a test" he asks with a seductive smile.

"My theory?"

"About redheads" now it is my turn to blush. "Umm ... you know I can't, I still have two weeks to wait until I'm even allowed to do that, so let's just say we wait and see how I feel about it then."

"You know Ana, if you can tease me like that, you shouldn't lack the courage to actually do what you hinted at." he challenges me and I glare at him.

"Maybe I'll do it with some one else" I snap and he gasps. "What?"

"I was just kidding, I don't plan to have sex with anyone right now. I just had a baby, I have other things to think about than getting laid."

"What if it just happens, with someone else?"

"Could you please drop it Christian? Honestly, it was just a bad joke."

"I love you Anastasia and the thought of you being with someone else is killing me!"

I stare at Christian and sigh, I guess honesty is the best. "Look Christian, I believe you when you say that you love me, but I can't be with you right now. I mean, what if I give you a chance and then remember that I never wanted to see you again. My life is complicated enough at the moment, I don't want to add to it anymore." and because I feel bad for him and he looks like a beaten dog I want to give him something at least. "But I decided to stay here at your parents house until I get my memory back."

"Really?"

"Yes, so are we good?" he nods and we continue to walk, but as soon as we come near the gate the paparazzi go crazy.

"Mister Grey, is that your new submissive?"

"Is that your child?"

"Has he beaten you already?" those are only a few of the questions they yell at us and now I'm mad and when Mireya let's go an angry cry, indicating that she has a shitty diaper I come up with a plan. I take my cardigan of, place it on the lawn near the gate and start to undress Mireya.

"Ana, what are you doing?"

"Changing our daughter" I answer Christian and once the diaper is off her, I wipe her clean with some tissues I had in my pants pocket, dress Mireya without diaper, wrap her in my cardigan and give her to Christian. I take the full diaper, saunter over to the gate and throw it with as much force as possible over the gate, so it lands on top of one of the paparazzi's head.

"How submissive is that? Oh, and by the way, you are full of shit!" with that I turn around and saunter back to Christian who is gaping at me open-mouthed.

"What, serves them right" I giggle and suddenly Christian starts to laugh and his laugh is so infectious that I have to laugh too.

"I can't believe you just did that Ana" he gets out through hauls of laughter and it takes us a while to recover. We go back to the house and I take Mireya upstairs to put her a new diaper on and feed her.

Later that evening we all sit outside on the patio and Elliot has his guitar outside to play some songs for us. It's a nice warm evening and I really enjoy just listen to the music.

When he starts an old country song I find myself singing the lyrics without really thinking about it. When he stops, I realise they are all staring at me.

"That was beautiful Ana, do you sing often?" Grace wants to know.

"No, I don't know why I sang along, I've never heard the song before, I just knew the lyrics. Can you play it again Elliot?" he nods and starts again. It's like this weird feeling when you know something but can't find the right words to describe it and suddenly, I remember it.

"Oh my god, I remember it. Daddy, you took me to a bonfire and we sat there with some of your friends. One played the guitar and you sang that song. You sang it over and over until I sang with you. I was 9 or maybe 10. This did happen right?"

My dad has the biggest smile on his face, comes over and hugs me tightly. "Yes, we did that Annie, it was the summer before you turned 10. You loved that song, after the bonfire you sang it for weeks."

For a moment I'm speechless, I really remembered something of my life before I woke up from the coma. Secretly I feared it would never happen, that my memory was gone for good, but now I know that they are still there and that all I need to do is find the right trigger to get them back.

"Well, that was to be expected, out of everything you could possibly remember first, you remembered Ray. Not your own mother, but him" my mother hisses and storms off, leaving not only me, but everyone else too shocked behind. I have no idea why she reacted that way, but something tells me that my feeling not to trust her completely was right. Something about my relationship with my mother is wrong and I feel like I won't like whatever the reason behind it is.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Christian's POV**_

Yesterday Ana's mom left and it was clear that something was off with her. I'm convinced she knows more about what happened to Ana than she says. I want to delve deeper into it, but at the same time I'm afraid it will hurt Ana if she remembers what ever happened to her. Also, I have to think about my own situation.

Ros and my PR people came over yesterday. They wanted to convince me that it would be best to face the situation head on and give an exclusive interview with one of the TV stations that have requested an interview. I told them I would think about it, but honestly, I don't want some fucking journalist grill me about my sexual preferences. It's my private life, well, it was since now everyone knows. Damn Elena for this. I can't believe I've ever considered her my friend and worse Ana saw her for what she really is and I wouldn't listen to her. I could have avoided all of this, but I was a stubborn fool and now I have to face reality and somehow find a way out of this mess.

This morning Elena's lawyer called me and told me Elena wanted to see me. I told him that there is no way in hell I will go and see her in jail. She is a murderer and the last thing I need is being seen while leaving the prison after visiting her. No, she brought that on herself and she has to pay for it.

What is really getting on my nerves is being stuck here at my parents house. I need to get out, even if it is just for a couple of hours, so today I decided to go to Escala and get some things that I need. I also asked Ana to come along with Mireya. Maybe she remembers something if she is back at Escala. After all we spend the most time there, so there is the possibility that she will remember something if I take her there.

Right after lunch I tell Taylor that we want to leave and help Ana getting Mireya ready. I love that little girl. The thought of being a father is still scary to me, but I am determined to be a good father for her. After all, maybe my life would have turned out completely differently if my biological father would have been in my life. As it is, I have no idea who he is and why he didn't want to be a part of my life. I would never think that Ana would let anything happen to our daughter, she loves her way too much for it, but still a child needs both parents, so I will be there no matter what will happen between Ana and I.

Once we are all in the car it takes Taylor almost 10 minutes to get us out of the front gate, as those fucking paparazzi are relentless in their efforts to snap a picture of me or yell inappropriate questions. When we are finally out on the street I let out a sigh, this is just ridiculous.

"It will pass Christian. Soon there will be another scandal and they are all going to haunt someone else." Ana says and I smirk at her. Even now she has this weird ability to know what is going through my mind.

"I'm not sure about that, this story is way to good for them to forget about it soon." Ana looks at me and frowns.

"You know, maybe you should talk to them, explain your side of the story. I mean, you are not the only man in the world who enjoys that lifestyle. The media has blown this completely out of proportion, if you would just do an interview and maybe have one of your former submissives with you they would know that you are not some kind of a monster."

"Ana, look, it's complicated. First, two of my former submissives are dead and not every contract ended on good terms. Some of them wanted more and weren't too pleased that I ended the contract, but most importantly most of them have a normal life, I cannot ask them to make their sexual preferences public just to help me out."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"This woman who tried to kill me, why did she kill those other women?"

"Elena was a good friend of mine or at least I thought she was. She was usually the one who would pick out potential submissives for me and I would interview them. Both times there was no good submissives for my liking available. So, I asked her to make contact with Leila and Susannah. I ended the contract with Leila 3 years ago, she wanted more. I wasn't on the market for more by then, but she was an outstanding submissive, so I wanted to give her a second chance if she was willing to agree on another contract. Susannah and I ended the contract after almost a year. I wanted something new but couldn't find a new submissive, so I wanted her back. Elena told me they weren't interested."

"That's terrible." Ana whispers and looks up at me again. "I wish I could remember my life, I would do that for you, talk to the media, so they would know that you are not the monster they are trying to make out of you."

"I wouldn't let you, Ana. This is my mess, my fault. I had choices, you told me Elena was a pedophile, but I chose to take her side. I will find a way out of this mess. I want you to concentrate solely on yourself and Mireya."

"I can't, like it or not, we will have a connection for the rest of our lives and I want you to be ok, Christian. Plus the media writes the weirdest stuff about you. I've read an article this morning stating that you had five young women hidden in your apartment as your sex slaves, that's crazy, I mean why do they have to right to write this shit about you?"

"I have no idea, but my team of lawyers is working on it."

"Christian, I don't want to offend you, but right now it looks like you leave all that happen for others to deal with. I understand that you had a hard time, but now it's time for you to take control again. I get that you don't want to talk to the media, but I believe this is what needs to happen in order for them to leave you alone. Maybe you should talk to Kate."

I can't help but snort at her last comment. "Ana, half of the shit that was written in the media came from Kate. She was on a vendetta against me. She believed that I killed you, Leila and Susannah and she made it her goal to ruin me, I don't think she would help me now to get out of this mess."

"Wait, if she did that, why is she still at your parents house and dating Elliot?"

"Because she didn't write those articles and I haven't told Elliot that she used her father's influence in the media world to get all those articles out. Elliot loves her and I don't want to ruin this for him. Besides, she is your best friend, she did what she thought was the right thing to do."

"Well, I'm not dead and you are innocent, so if she is part of all this mess, then it is her job to help you out of it. I'm going to talk to her as soon as we are back at Bellevue."

"I don't think it will help, but I'm not stopping you."

"Well, you couldn't stop me anyway, so tell me, why did you want me to come with you to Escala?"

"I just thought you would like to see something else" I answer, I can't tell her that I want to get her to remember something about us, because that would put pressure on her and I don't think it is going to work then.

"I talked to Ray after my mom left yesterday. He has to go back to Montesano this weekend. I want to visit him there, but I'm planning on staying at your parents house for now. I need to be in Seattle for the trial anyway and it would be too long a drive from Montesano with Mireya, though I still don't know why I have to make a statement at the trial, it's not like I could remember what happened to me."

"You want to stay?" I hold my breath hoping I really heard that and it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me.

"Yes, for now anyway. Oh and Carrick mentioned that you know a good shrink, I thought about trying hypnosis to get my memories back."

"I can call Flynn and ask him, but I don't think it is a good idea Ana. You will remember when you are ready, you don't have to force it."

"I know, but I'm trying to make sense of this whole thing. I mean, what is wrong with my mom, everyone told me we had a good relationship, but something about her makes my skin crawl. Why am I so different from who I was before I lost my memory, because I'm sorry to say that, but if you would offer me a contract to be your submissive I would tell you were to stick it. For some reason I didn't do that before."

"You were attracted to me" I murmur sadly, because honestly I don't think she has any feelings for me now.

"Well dah! I'm attracted to you now, too. But that doesn't mean I would let you walk all over me."

"You don't seem to be effected by me."

"Oh, you mean like your parents housekeeper. She starts drooling when ever she lays eyes on you. Sorry, that is so not my style, but if you need it for your ego. There is no one else I'm interested in and it's not just your looks that have me attracted. Everytime I see you it's like there is this electric tension between us that makes me want to be as close as possible to you."

Inwardly I let go a sigh of relief, she still feels it, but this Ana is much better in hiding her true feeling than she was before she lost her memory. It's like I can't read her at all.

"I'm glad to hear that Miss Steele, it wouldn't be fair if I was the only one who felt it."

"So you like me, I mean the new me?"

"Ana, I love you and yes it is kind of confusing to see you act so differently, but that doesn't change my feelings for you." Funny enough, this is really true and the more time I spend with the 'new' Ana the more I fall for her. She is challenging and unexpected, just like Ana always was, but to my own surprise I like her new no bullshit attitude as well.

We arrive at Escala a little later and first I talk to Gail who is still staying at Escala. When she starts to cry I don't really know what is going on, but I guess she must have missed me. Who would have thought? Of course, the moment she sees Mireya she forgets all about me or Ana, but that's ok. Actually, I'm convinced that my daughter is the most beautiful girl in the world, so it is natural that everyone is instantly in love with her.

I leave Ana with Gail and Mireya in the great room and make my way to my study, where I need some things, but when I return Ana isn't with them anymore.

"Gail, where is Ana?"

"She wanted to explore a little. You have a beautiful daughter, Sir."

"Yes, she is amazing. Can you look after her, I want to see where Ana is."

"Of course."

I leave Mireya with Gail and look around for Ana, but she isn't downstairs. So, I walk up the stairs and see that the playroom door is ajar. Fuck, if she remembers me beating her with a belt, I don't think she will like that memory. I get in and see Ana sitting on the Chesterfield sofa just looking at the bed.

"Ana?"

"I thought being in her would bring back some memories, but nothing happened."

I let out the breath that I was holding and sit down next to her. "Maybe it's because you came in here with the wish to remember, maybe it only works if it catches you of guard."

"Not sure. This is all so confusing. How did I react when I first saw the room?"

"Surprisingly calm, I thought you would run for the hills, but you didn't."

She turns to look at me and I know she has a question that I won't like. "Was I the last woman you had in here? I mean did you have a new submissive after we broke up or after I went missing?"

"No, I told you, I love you. There will never be another woman, Ana. Especially not a new submissive."

"Why?"

"Because I want more and I want it to be with you. All those submissives and contracts, it was empty. I just wish that I would have seen it back then. Maybe things would have been different, but I couldn't protect you."

"I'm here that is all that counts Christian. So, let's go back to our daughter, obviously trying to force myself to remember doesn't work." she gets up and leaves the room, but I stay behind and look around my playroom.

What was once my sanctuary is now nothing, but a painful reminder of what my life has become. This was the place that always gave me complete control and now the lifestyle I enjoyed is one of the reasons I have no control at all. Ana said I let the others deal with this mess and she is right. She said it is time to take back control and I know she is right. Yes, I have to face this mess head on and if I have to deal with the media, so be it. I want my life back, I need the control back and most of all I want to make Ana mine again.

I leave the playroom with new purpose and find Ana nursing our daughter on the sofa in the great room.

"I'm going to get some more things than we can leave. Is there anything else you want to do before we go back to Bellevue?"

"Could we stop at my old apartment? I want to see it and Kate gave me the keys."

"Yes, we can do that. I'll get what I need, then we can leave."

We stayed at Ana's apartment for almost an hour while she looked through her belongings, but it didn't help. There were no new memories and I have the strong feeling that the main reason for it is, that Ana is trying to force it.

We drive back to Bellevue and once we are out of the car, I take Mireya out of her car seat and carry her inside the house, while the fucking paparazzi yell their questions at us. Fuck, I really need to shut this down.

Inside Ana tells me that she wants to bath Mireya and I decide to help her. I follow her upstairs and undress my daughter while Ana gets her bath ready, but when we enter the bathroom I frown, because there is no water in the tub.

"Why is no water in the tub, I thought you wanted to bathe her?" Ana looks at me, rolls her eyes and points to the filled sink.

"You know, eye rolling is a nasty habit Miss Steele." I mutter and suddenly Ana has this look on her face. Shit, she remembered something I just know it.

"Ana, what is going on?"

"Nothing, I ... umm ... I bath her alone" She takes Mireya, puts her gently and into the warm water and starts to wash her.

"You remembered something, didn't you?"

"Could you please leave. I want to be alone Christian, we can talk later."

"No, tell me, now!" I demand.

"I remembered rolling my eyes and you spanked me for doing so, now get out!"

Fucking great, of all the things she could remember about me, it had to be the first time I spanked her.

"Ana, it was not like you think..."

"Oh really, you want to know what I felt while I remembered it, I felt that if I wouldn't let you hit we'd be done, because you wouldn't want me anymore. Now, please get out and give me some time to think about this." she snaps and I sigh.

"Fine, but please talk to me once you are ready." she nods, but does not look at me. I want to talk more, but I know I can't force her, so I leave. Damn, once again my fucked upness makes my life more complicated. Now, all I can do is hoping that once she has calmed down I can explain it to her and that she still wants to be anywhere near me.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Ana's POV**_

I am so confused. Who is the woman that was me before I lost my memories? Why the hell did I let him hit me, thinking it was the only way to keep him. And all just because I rolled my eyes! He rolls his eyes all the time! But what confuses me even more is the fact that I felt so insecure. I mean, I'm good-looking and smart, I think I'm caring and I'm not rude or anything, so why would I believe that letting him hit me was the only way to keep him?

If he wanted to spank me now, just because I rolled my eyes, I would tell him where to go. But, truth be told, this is not his fault. I believe that he was always honest about his preferences. I should have told him that I don't want him to hit me. I brought this on myself. Just from that brief memory I know that I gave him hope that I could be his submissive, when all I wanted was that he loved me. Well, I achieved that goal, but for what personal cause. I can't remember a damn thing and now I'm afraid what I will remember next.

I don't want to be this insecure person. I want to be me, the new me and now I'm afraid that once I get all of my memories back, the person I am now will just disappear. What if I wake up one morning and I am no longer myself. This thought is so scary that I push it away immediately. What kind of role model will I be for my daughter if she grows up with a mother that is so insecure. This is not what I want for my daughter. I want her to grow up to be a strong and independent woman. Not a bundle of insecurities that let's anyone walk all over me.

I groan in frustration and get up from my bed where I sat for the last hour trying to make sense of this new memory. I look into the crib and see my little angel sleeping peaceful.

"Don't worry babygirl, mommy will make sure that you feel loved every day. You will grow up knowing just how wonderful you are." I whisper to my sleeping baby and take the baby monitor. I need something to eat. I walk down stairs and find Kate in the kitchen holding a bottle of chocolate sauce and whipped cream.

"Do I want to know what you are going to with this" I smirk and she grins.

"Well, just use your imagination. I have to go, Elliot is waiting."

"Wait, do you have 2 minutes I need to ask you something."

"Sure" we both sit down and I look at her. Ok, let's just get over with it.

"Did you use the influence of your father to get more articles about Christian being a monster published?"

Kate sighs and looks down at the bottles in her hands. "I thought that he had murdered you Ana. I really believed it, I'm sorry if I made things worse for him, but you have to understand me too."

"I understand you, Kate, but fact is that Christian is innocent and right now he is with his back against the wall. You have to help him if you had part in this mess."

"If he finds out, he will tell Elliot and Elliot is going to hate me Ana." Kate looks desperate, but I won't back down on this.

"Kate, Christian knows what you did and he is not going to tell Elliot. He knows how much Elliot loves you and doesn't want his brother to suffer under this situation. But Kate, you have to tell him and you have to do what you can to help Christian out of this. If you won't do it for him, then do it for Mireya and me, because I don't want my daughter to read this kind of stuff about her father."

"He still hit you, I mean that's what people in that lifestyle do"

"Kate, if he did, it is none of your business and trying to safe your relationship with Elliot on Christian's expense is not right. Don't you see that?"

"Actually no, he brought this all on himself Ana, hell even now you are defending him, but what you don't remember is how you suffered after you two broke up. And he didn't care Ana, he waited weeks until he contacted you. And look what happened to you because of him!"

I look at her and I know she is trying to get me on her side, but it is not working.

"Kate, I know you are my friend and I can tell that you feel protective over me, but that doesn't excuse what you did and blaming him isn't helping either. He is a victim in this just as much as I am, maybe even more, this woman had his claws in him and manipulated him for years and she was his only friend, just imagine for a minute you were in his position. He is trying Kate, but the media keeps lying and making it harder for him, you could help him. Now you have to decide if you want to be selfish or do the right thing."

She looks at me for a while, her expression completely blank and then she gets up.

"Elliot is waiting, I have to go and I will think about it." she leaves and I sigh. I hope she does the right thing, she owes it to him and if Elliot finds out by accident that his girlfriend is behind many of those nasty articles about his brother, I don't think they can survive this as a couple, she needs to be honest, even if it hurts.

I get up and gather the ingredients for a sandwich from the fridge. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were here" I hear Christian say and turn around.

"It's ok, it's your parents house after all, so you can come in here when ever you like."

"Ok, so are there any left overs from dinner? I wasn't hungry and now I'm famished."

"No, I don't think so, but I was about to fix me a sandwich, do you want some too?"

"Yes, please." he sits down at the table and I make some sandwich for us. When all is ready I sit down too and start to eat, but he doesn't.

"Don't you like it? I can fix you something else."

"No, I'm just wondering if you want me to eat here or if you would prefer to eat alone." he answers cautiously.

"Christian, I'm not mad at you or anything. I was mad at myself earlier and I'm confused and scared."

"Scared?"

"I did not only remember you spanking me, but I remembered how I felt, the way I was before and I don't want to be that girl again. I don't want to be so insecure and unsure about myself and everything else."

"Getting you to talk was always a trying experience. I tried to explain to you how being honest was the most important thing in the kind of relationship I wanted us to have."

"Did I tell you that the kind of relationship wasn't what I wanted, that I wanted to be with you like a normal couple?"

"You did, well, not so directly, but you told me you wanted more."

"Did you want more back then?"

"Yes, I never felt anything like that for a woman before, I was struggling with it Ana, but I was willing to try for more with you. Can I ask you how you felt about the spanking?"

"I allowed you to do it because I felt like you would leave and end everything between us if I wouldn't let you hit me. I was afraid it would hurt and I didn't like it at all, but I also felt like I couldn't ask you to stop, because that would mean I failed and you would leave me."

Looking at Christian, I know that he is weighing up carefully in his mind what he is going to say next.

"I wish you had told me this back then, but it was a punishment Ana, you weren't supposed to like it, with that being said you were aroused." I can't help it, I snort at that.

"Christian, I did a lot of research on your lifestyle in the last couple of days and from what I have read being aroused from a spanking has nothing to do with liking or wanting what happens. It is a strictly physical reaction, because under the layers of fat are nerve ending which react to the impact of a spanking with arousal. Saying you were aroused to make light of it is the same as if you would tell a rape victim that he or she wanted it just because the person reached their climax which also happens."

Christian looks shocked, but he has to understand that it is a lame excuse to tell me I was aroused, so basically I wanted and enjoyed it when I know I didn't.

"So you want to tell me that I have attacked you against your will?" he sounds hurt and I sigh.

"No, this is not what I'm saying Christian. What I'm saying is that I should have said no, this is not a failure on your part. This isn't even about you, this is about me, the girl I was before I lost my memory. I mean it is not just the spanking, but I asked you to hit me with a belt, I mean what was I thinking? But this is exactly what I want to say, I feel like the girl I was, was so desperate to keep you that she would have done just about anything to be with you. Even if it was letting you beat her and I wouldn't."

"You loved me back then" he says sadly and in this moment my heart breaks for him.

"Christian, look I don't know how to explain this, but I think deep down, I still love you, but that doesn't mean I would think that you would love me less or just leave me if I would say no to you. This is what this is about, not you and me, but just me. Even if I had no idea back then that you loved me, I would have trusted you enough to tell you exactly how I feel, but I didn't. I thought so little of myself that I was willing to let you do this, because I had no idea what you could like about me."

"So, you are still talking to me."

"Yes and I need to ask you to do something for me."

"What do you need?"

"If I remember more and go back to being the girl I was, I need you to remind of how confident I was while I had no memories. I don't want to be like that again."

"I promise you, that I will do that, but you will remember it Ana. What you feel now will not just go away if you gain back your memories."

I shrug, I can't talk about this anymore and so we eat in silence and after we have finished our sandwiches I put the dishes in the dishwasher and hear Mireya start to fuss over the baby monitor.

"I need to check on her, maybe she has a wet diaper. Goodnight, Christian."

"Goodnight, Ana" he smiles at me, but it is a sad smile and suddenly, I don't want to leave him like that. He has been through so much over the last months and I feel like I need to give him some reassurance that at least between us everything is going to be ok.

I walk back to where he stands, get onto tiptoes and for a second I look into his eyes asking for permission, when he moves his face closer to me I kiss him. Christian wraps his arms around me, holding me close and when I sigh his tongue pushes into my mouth, I welcome it with my own and we kiss each other which so much passion that I am glad he is holding me or else my legs would might not be able to hold me anymore.

When we end the kiss we are both breathless and Christian looks at me a little confused. "Just give me a little more time, ok?" I ask and he nods slowly, but just then Mireya starts to cry louder and I back up.

"Goodnight Christian."

"Goodnight Ana" and this time his smile is not sad, but hopeful. I turn around and hurry upstairs. I'm still confused and scared, but now I too feel hopeful. Hopeful that in the end, all is going to be good.


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm sorry that this update took me so long, I kind of hit a wall with this story, but I promise I'm going to finish it...**

_**Christian**_

I couldn't stop thinking about what Ana told me last week. For someone who prides himself with being a good Dom, it is appalling that it took Ana just a couple of hours of research to find out stuff I wasn't completely aware of. I guess trusting Elena in anything was a really bad choice. Damn she filled my head with her lies and half-truths and I just swallowed everything up. Yesterday, I received a letter from her, bagging me to help her getting out of the mess she is in. I burned the damn thing and had my lawyers make sure that she won't be allowed to send me anymore letters.

This woman was willing to let me pay for what she has done. She murdered two young women and nearly Anastasia and my daughter. There is no way in hell I'm going to do anything for her. It is just now that I'm slowly starting to realise how much she had me under her control and it makes me so mad. I feel stupid for allowing her to have such an influence on me. Here I am thinking I'm in total control, when in reality I was nothing but her puppet and she pulled all the strings. But no more, Ana and my parents are right, I can't hide here any longer. I need to take back control and get my life back. So, starting next week, I will start to work again. I won't be able to work as much as I did before though. First, I have a daughter now and I want to see her grow up, so I have to make time for her and of course, I will have to be at court once the trial against Elena starts, so this also means I have to stay away from work for a while.

Reflecting on the rest of last week makes me want to have a drink even though it is just 11 am. Katherine seems to have found her consciences because she told Elliot what she did and wrote an article in which she publicly apologized to me. Though it was good for my reputation I highly doubt it was good for hers or her relationship with Elliot. He is so disappointed in her, they haven't really talked all week. My mom nearly tackled her, funny enough, it was me who stopped her.

I just can't take anymore shit these days. I want peace and quiet and no fighting over me. In a way, I even understand Katherine's motives. She was convinced I had murdered her best friend and not much to my surprise her only friend. I guess it takes someone as sweet as Ana to get along with a character like Kate's. I suspect Ana talked her into doing this, but she wouldn't say anything about it. And then there is the kiss. She kissed me and I know I shouldn't get my hopes up too high, but I want to believe that there is a way for me and her to become a happy family. If she needs time, I can give her that. I might not like it, but it's better to give her what she needs right now than to push her into what I want. I can't lose her, so I have to be patient and I hate waiting, but for her I will do it.

"Hey, day dreaming?"

I look up and see Ana grinning at me. I have to admit, her new hair color kind of grew on me over the last week. It makes her eyes look even more beautiful and it is sexy in a dangerous kind of way.  
"Just reflecting on the last couple of days."

"You mean the Kate drama?"

"Yes, have you heard from her?"

"She is staying with her brother for a while, Elliot called her yesterday they want to meet tomorrow for dinner, I hope they can get through this, but in the end, she did the right thing."

"I suspect it was you who told her do come clean."

"Maybe. So, I was thinking I could go to Vancouver today, I want to see where I worked and the campus, do you want to join me?"

"Yes, why not. We could take Charlie Tango."

"Umm, I don't know, can we take Mireya with us, I don't like being away from her."

"That shouldn't be a problem, I'll have Taylor get what we need so she is safe up there" thinking about it I come up with an idea.

"How about an overnight stay?"

"Why, it's not that far."

"I would like to go to Portland as well, I want to show you some more places, maybe you will remember something more pleasant about me."

"Okay, Portland it is then, wait can we fit a stroller for Mireya into your helicopter?"

"Ana, we can find whatever you need for her in it, it's a big helicopter."

"Good, I'll be packing, you'd be amazed what a small baby needs just for one day away"

"I'll make the arrangements, will the afternoon be early enough for you?"

"Sure" she gives me a huge smile and takes off. Wow, I would walk over broken glass to have her smile like that at me all the time.

Three hours later all is arranged and we are off in Charlie Tango. Man, it's good to fly again. We have Sawyer and Taylor with us, while Ryan and Reynolds are driving to Portland and will meet us there later. I wish I could take Ana alone, but with the media still haunting me, I can't take that risk, not while I'm outside with Ana and our daughter.

We decide to go to WSU first and though we stay a long time there, Ana doesn't remember anything. Just when we are about to leave that Jose fucker sees us and makes a run towards us.

"Ana wait. Please Ana"

"Oh darn, what does he want" I hear Ana mutter and she glares at him when he comes to stand in front of us.

"Ana, I'm so glad to see you, wait whose baby is this?" he points at Mireya and I frown. Some friend is he if he doesn't even know that Ana is a mom now.

"It's my baby." Ana says matter of factly and I instinctively take a step closer to Ana and Mireya because the boy looks mad.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You got nearly killed and you still kept his bastar..." Rodriguez never has the chance to finish his sentence, because Ana punches him so hard in the face that his nose starts to bleed.

"I'm telling you this only one time Jose, if you ever say anything like that ever again about my daughter I will beat you to a bloody mess and walk away smiling." she hisses and hell she looks so mad even I would be mad if I was to be on the receiving end of her anger right now.

"You broke my nose" the fucker whines and Ana just shrugs. "Maybe this teaches you not to talk in such terms about my child, I'm not kidding Jose, leave us alone."

"He is not right for you Ana, he is ..."

"Stop, just stop it Jose. Christian has had a terrible hard time and still he is nothing but honest and supportive with me, while all you did was lying to me and now calling my baby a bastard. The only person who is not right for me is you, this is my family so leave us alone."

I think I'm just as stunned as Rodriguez about what Ana just said. She called me her family. I know she is just making a point, but I have never heard something more comforting than her calling me and Mireya her family.

"Don't come running to me if he beats you and the baby" he hisses and takes off. Hearing him say that makes me so mad, I have to close my eyes and count to ten so I won't follow him and beat him to a pulp.

"Christian, he is gone. I'm hungry, let's leave" Ana's voice brings me back to the now and much to my surprise she takes my hand and pushes the stroller with the other hand while we are walking back to the parking lot.

We arrive at the Heathman and while I have to make some phone calls Ana nurses Mireya. I can't help, but watch her while she is nursing our baby. Being a mother comes so natural to her, I'm in awe of her. I can imagine most people would freak out in her situation, but she just makes the best out of it and is so strong.

A little later I help Ana bathe Mireya and we put her to bed. After that we order our dinner and sit down at the dinning table.

"How is your hand, that was a pretty hard punch you gave that fucker."

"It's okay, a little sore maybe." she shrugs.

"What is going through your mind Ana?" I ask because I can tell she has something bothering her.

"I'm just wondering why my mother didn't protect me. I mean to me it's clear that I would kill anyone who would try to hurt my child, but she didn't." Oh fuck, does she remember?

"Do you remember something?"

"I had a dream three days ago, I know it could just be a dream, but deep down I know it happened."

"Do you want to tell me what the dream was about?"

"I was a teenager, 15 or 16. I was under the shower and suddenly this guy was under the shower with me and he started to touch me. I screamed and tried to get out, but no one else was there. In the end I kicked him in the balls and ran from the shower. I locked myself into my room and waited for my mom. When she came I told her what happened and she yelled at me, calling me a liar and next she slapped me so hard that I fell. After that I woke up. I'm not sure if this really happened, but I think it did and I can't understand her reaction. If our daughter would tell me something like that I would believe her and make sure this never happens again, but she didn't."

Fuck, that's bad. Damn, if this is what happened I will find the fucker and kill him myself.

"Have you called your mom?"

"No, I mean what am I supposed to say, 'oh hey mom, did your ex-husband try to rape me and you didn't believe me?' I don't think she will like that and honestly, if this is why I was the way I was, I'm glad I decided not to go with her."

"I'm glad you are here."

"Well, I'm glad to be here. So, tell me does this suite hold any memories?"

"It does, but I won't tell you until tomorrow. There is another place connected to this memory we have to visit first." I smirk remembering that dreadful bar, I know it's not nice to bring her to a place where she nearly puked on me, but it is a part of our history, so tomorrow I'm taking her back to that bar she drunk dialed me from.

Later that evening Ana goes to bed while I stay in the livingroom of the suite. There is only one bedroom in this suite and as much as I want to share the bed with Ana, I don't want to push my luck. So, the sofa it is for tonight.

I'm just trying to find a position to sleep comfortably when Ana comes back in. "What are you doing there, Christian?"

"Trying to sleep, what does it look like to you?" I ask amused.

"But why here, I was waiting for you in the bedroom, come on it's late." before I can answer her she has grabbed my pillow and makes her way back to the bedroom. Well, who am I to let that offer just go? So, I walk into the bedroom, too and get into the bed with her.

"Can I hold you Ana?" I whisper so Mireya who is sleeping in a crib next to the bed won't wake up.

"Yes, night Christian."

"Night baby" I pull her close to me and just like the first night we have spent here in this bed I stay up for hours and just watch her sleep in my arms.

The next day we visit Clayton's, her former workplace, first and then I take her to that bar.

"Why are we going to a bar at this hour of the day Christian?"

"I just want you to look around, maybe something looks familiar to you." she looks at me as if I have lost it which amuses me even more, but even after a couple of minutes she doesn't remember anything, so we continue our tour to the Portland Coffeehouse, where I took her for coffee after the photo shoot.

"Let me guess, twining's english breakfast tea bag out. No sugar, no milk." I recall her order back then.

"Actually, I would like to have a hot chocolate and a banana muffin."

"Good, pick a table, I'll get it. Can I get something for Mireya?"

"Only if they serve breast milk" I smirks and shake my head amused and get in line to make our order.

When I'm back I can't help, but watch Ana eating. Damn, it's so good to see her finally eat and have a healthy appetite.

"What?"

"I just like to watch you eat."

"Okay, so why did you take me to that bar?"

"You drunk dialed me from there."

"No, I didn't" she gasps making me chuckle. "Oh yes, you did Miss Steele. And you hung up on me, I had to track down your phone to find you and when I got there that fucking photographer was trying to push his tongue into your mouth."

"Really, he made a pass at me back then?"

"He did, but you insisted that he is your friend and that it didn't mean anything."

"I should have listened to you. Anyway what happened after you arrived?"

"You threw up, over and over. After that you were utterly embarrassed and I wanted to take drive you home. You passed out before we even left the bar and I decided to take you to the Heathman. I watched you sleep all night thinking back now, I think this was the night I really fell in love with you, I just didn't knew it back then."

"You know it now, that's all that matters" Ana muses and still I can't help but think how different things could have been, if I would have realised it earlier, maybe none of this would have happened to her and me.

Leaving the coffeehouse I'm a little disappointed that none of the places I took her evoked a memory a new memory, my biggest hope was that she would remember our first kiss in the elevator of the Heathman, I even made sure we would take the same elevator every time, though nothing happened. But it is what it is and I won't give up the hope that she will remember more soon.

We are just outside the coffeehouse and about to turn the corner when Ana stops, her gaze is completely empty for a second and I know it, she remembered something.

"Ana, what is it?" she looks up at me and takes a step closer. Getting onto tiptoes she caresses my cheek and then her lips are on mine. I have no idea why she is doing this, but I pull her closer and deepen the kiss not wanting to let her go.

When we break free from the kiss we are both breathless and she gives me this beautiful smile of hers.

"This was what I wanted you to do the first we were standing here"she says and my heart starts to pound, she remembers!


End file.
